Father's Day Challenge: Submission #5 by Amara Z

Sorry, there are not many pictures of the Solo kids!  But the following story was submitted by Amara Z. 

Han Solo was doing two of his favorite things in the whole galaxy – taking care of his baby while watching his babies. The Falcon needed some work on a minor support system and he wasn’t one to put off such things. It had always brought him a certain amount of joy to tinker with the old girl and he never minded when she required a bit of attention. Unless it was the hyperdrive failing in the middle of fleeing from the Empire and even that had eventually turned out ok.

But he also had to keep an eye on two other sources of joy in his life – his twins, Jacen and Jaina. Leia was finishing a meeting and keeping track of the kids had fallen to him. So he decided he’d combine things into one and brought them to the Falcon with him.

Just about to turn one, his children had constantly kept him on his toes and taught him more about himself in the last year than anything else had. But they also were a constant source of delight and had never ceased to amaze him.

He sat on a bench nearby working on a part from the system and looked up at his children, smiling. They were hanging onto a rack of bins he and Leia had filled with toys and old tools for them to play with and were quite well occupied with what they were doing. They would squat to pick up a piece, bang it against the rack, or walk hand over hand to another bin. Apparently transferring items from one container to another was highly entertaining and they continued on, happily oblivious to anything but each other and babbling occasionally.

As he watched them, he could see they were a bit awkward on their legs and they still crawled to reach most things. But recently they had begun to walk with assistance. They were still learning, but eager to try and it had resulted in them turning anything that moved into walking toys, even their own cribs. Their enthusiasm was much to the chagrin of their mother and not without a few scrapes and bruised chins in the process. But it was still a wonder to see how much his children had grown up over the last year. He didn’t think he’d end up with a stack of parts to one side of him, a child’s stuffed Wookiee toy to the other, and children babbling and playing in the hold of his ship. But here he was. And he wouldn’t change it for anything.

Han smiled one last time at them before focusing on the piece of equipment in front of him again. Turning it over, he realized it was more damaged than he originally thought and sorting through the pile of parts, he could quickly tell he didn’t have everything he needed to repair it either. It appeared that would be it for the day on this particular task. He sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face for a moment thinking of where he could pick up the items he needed. It wouldn’t take long, but it would keep the Falcon in less than travel ready shape for another day or two.

He put the piece he had been examining back in a box on a high shelf, scooped up the rest of the loose parts, and dumped them in as well. He turned back to the twins and watched them playing with a grin. On the upside, now he had more time to see how his other babies were doing. In a couple of steps he crossed the hold and dropped to sitting on the floor next to them. Enthused, the children quickly started giving him each item they grabbed, showing it to him with glee on their face before dumping it into one of the containers. It became quite a game for the twins to see which could get the biggest reaction from their father. He had to stop them briefly from swinging their toys at him or each other, but it only took a quick correction.

Jaina caught Han’s attention the most for some reason. She stood a few feet from him, staring at him. Han watched her carefully as she dropped her hand from the bins and stood on her own. She was a little wobbly, but held her stance easily enough. He saw her foot move slightly and his eyes widened expectantly. But then nothing. She stayed where she was and holding onto the rack, supported herself as she made her way over to Han. She gave him a big toothy grin.

He returned her smile and guided her the rest of the way to him. As she grasped at his jacket and shoulder, Han’s brow furrowed slightly. She was ready to walk. He could see it. And she was plenty eager, but not taking that first step. It was curious to him. He was in no rush for his little girl to grow up, not quite yet. But he could imagine the happiness on her face when she took her first steps and it wouldn’t hurt to practice a little.

He stood, grasping Jaina’s tiny hands in his. Taking small, careful steps, he held her steady as they moved together towards the center of the hold. He stopped and tried to let go of her hands to see how she did on her own, but Jaina just smiled and grabbed the leg of his pants. He tried a couple more times as he walked her around the hold. But when he got the same result, he decided to give it a rest. He was directing Jaina back towards the bins when he heard footsteps and a familiar voice.

“How’s it going, flyboy?” Leia asked as she appeared in the doorway of the hold. It was hard for him to believe their next child was already growing within her. She was beautiful in her long flowing dress and he was glad to see the color in her cheeks returning now that the morning sickness was starting to subside. She had complained her waist was filling out more quickly than the first time and was already wearing her dresses more loosely than normal.

Han smiled at his wife. “We were just practicing our walking.”

“Sounds like fun and seemed like she was getting the hang of it.” Jaina was already making a direct line for her mother, dragging Han along with her. Leia crossed over to them, lifted Jaina up in her arms, and ran a hand across her hair before giving her daughter a kiss on the cheek.

“Kind of. I thought she might be ready to have a try on her own, but she didn’t seem that interested in letting go.”

Leia laughed. “Well, I’m not sure crossing the hold would really be much motivation, Han. You and Chewie are the only ones I know of that would do it for no reason,” she said with a smile. “But I can think of something that might.”

Leia squatted down with Jaina in her arms and Han followed her lead, positioning himself arm’s length away from her.

“What do you think Jaina? You want to go to Daddy?” Jaina laughed and kicked her legs, already reaching out for Han. Leia stood Jaina between them and held her letting Jaina gain her balance. Leia slowly took her hands away, holding them close in case she needed to grab her quickly. But Jaina held steady and grinned at her father.

“Come here, sweetheart. Come to Daddy.” He held out his arms to Jaina and she seemed to be considering it, but didn’t move right away. After an unsure moment, Jaina pushed forward on her toes, taking one cautious step forward. And then took another and another until Han caught her in his hands.

Han let out a whoop and gathered Jaina to him. It was surely the beginning of the end, but exciting nonetheless and he gave her a big hug. “That’s my baby girl.”

Leia closed in and they covered Jaina with kisses and Han hugged his girls tight. They were still celebrating when Han heard something - tiny footsteps on the decking. Looking over his shoulder, Han’s mouth dropped open as he saw Jacen toddling over to them by his own power. As Jacen neared him, he scooped him up and stared in amazement at his son.

“What are you doing buddy? Not going to let your sister outdo you, huh?” Han asked, laughing.

There was a long round of hugs and back rubs for each of their children and they had them giggling as they kissed their cheeks repeatedly. But the twins quickly grew tired of the game and wiggled to be set free. Setting them down on the floor, Han and Leia stood side by side as their children made their way back to the bins for more fun. They were able to take a step or two on their own, showing the progress they had made in the short time. Han scratched the hair at the back of his head, thinking about of all the changes he would be seeing over the years.

Leia caught the thoughtful look on his face. “What is it?”

“Ah, just thinking this is one of the many steps we’ll have to coach them through. Who knows what that’ll be like.”

Leia glanced at her husband and smiled softly. “We’ll get through it somehow like always. But I’m sure it’ll help they love you so much. Those kids adore you.”

Han shrugged. “What’s not to love?” he replied with a grin. Leia gave him a hard nudge in the side and had Han laughing.

“Seriously, Han. You’re a good dad. They’re lucky to have you,” Leia said. She reached up to kiss him lightly on the cheek before settling back down beside him.

Han sighed and slung an arm over Leia’s shoulders, watching their children as they played. “You guys make it easy, sweetheart,” he replied and kissed her on the temple.

So...How Do You Do It?

No, Han - not that!  Get your mind out of the gutter.  :-)

Lady Peter sent me some questions that she thought might be interesting to put out to the blog followers-at-large.  Some of them have already been answered in our "Ask Us Anything" series if you remember that.  Let this also serve as a reminder that you can all still "Ask Us Anything!" and we'll put it out here.

So without any further ado, here are Lady Peter's musings:

1) Do you write on a computer? Tablet? Longhand and then transcribe?
2) When do you write? Early in the morning, at work, late at night? Only on weekends or on vacation?
3) Do you use a beta reader? What kind of editing processes do you go through before a beta, with a beta, or on your own?
4) Do you do other writing in your life or for work?
5) How long have you been writing fic? In general?

I'll kick things off by answering.  (But remember, she doesn't just want to hear from me, so please oblige her and answer away):

1)  I write on my computer.  Although occassionally I'll take verbal notes on my iPhone "voice memo" thingy when something hits me in the middle of the night or while I'm driving.  I have a horrific memory, so it's a necessity for me if I wish to remember something.

2)  I usually write at lunch eating at my desk at work or late at night after hubby has fallen asleep (I can't write with an alert presence nearby).  On weekends and vacation I'm usually busy with kids, husband and stuff, so not much writing there unless I get some unlikey time alone or I stay up all night (which I've been known to do).

3)  I use a beta reader, although I sometimes think she rues the day that she offered to be my beta.  I try my best to go through some editing before I send anything for a beta, although sometimes I'll send something fairly 'raw' just because I need advice or an opinion, or because I'm self-indulgent and just want somebody to look at my stuff!  My beta reader is very patient with all of that kind of neediness.  :-)

For dialogue, I find it's a good rule to say the words out loud after I've written them.  LOTS of time that little exercise reveals stilted, unreal dialogue and gets me to reword it for more real life sounding speaking.  Def a habit I would recommend for anyone writing dialogue.  Also, I find time lends itself as a good self-beta reader also.  Just a few days will allow me to find things that I couldn't after freshly penning something new.

4)  I write technical policies and procedures at work all of the time.  It's not as fun, believe me.

5)  I started writing in 2010 and I can't believe it's been that long but then again that short of a time.  It feels like I just started but like I've been doing it forever at the same time.  :-)

So, that's it.  Looking forward to your answers...

Father's Day Submission #4 by Zyra

Let's just pretend that the EU wasn't so bad and everyone lived and it didn't take Jaina until she was nearly 40 to get married, ok?

When she turned to look at him, he could hardly believe his eyes. 

Han Solo was not often speechless, but as he gazed at the young woman in front of him, the one he had held in his arms moments after her birth on the day he became a father, words completely escaped him. 

She was dressed in an elegant yet simple white gown; a veil framing her face so that he could clearly see the elated twinkle in the brown eyes that so resembled her mother’s.  The smirk she gave him was not unlike his own, slightly crooked as one side of her mouth curled up a bit higher than the other.  His Jaina, his only daughter, was about to get married.

After a few moments of staring, Jaina broke the silence.  “So, Dad, how do I look?”

He took a few steps closer and looked her up and down, wondering how in the universe his baby had grown up so fast.  “You look beautiful, little princess.”

“Little princess?  You haven’t called me that one in a while.”

Han shrugged.  “I thought I’d get one more in before my little girl gets married and isn’t mine anymore.”

Smiling, Jaina took a few steps forward and reached out to take her father’s hand.  “I’ll always be your little girl, Daddy.”

Even dressed as she was Han couldn’t help but hear those words as though she was speaking them as a small child.  “You better mean that.  You know, when you turned five I told you that you were growing up too fast, and you promised you’d never leave me.”

They were merely words.  Han wasn’t sure he’d ever seen his daughter look so radiantly happy as she was now getting ready to start a new life with her soon-to-be husband, and he also knew in his heart that she would always remain a big part of his life.  But the wedding seemed to add a sense of finality to the time in his life that Jaina would come to him first.  Suddenly he was accosted with images of his little girl seeking him out to fix her hurts, leaping into his arms for a hug, asking him to read her another story, climbing onto the couch to sit next to him and watch a smashball game – not because she cared about the sport, but simply because she liked spending time with him.  He’d helped teach her to read, to fly the Falcon, and how to deter young males from getting too close to her – although eventually that last bit of advice had fallen by the wayside.  His baby was all grown up and there was nothing he could do about it. 

“I’m not leaving you, Dad.  I’ll always need you.”

Closing the small bit of distance left between them, Han pulled Jaina slowly into a gentle hug.  In spite of the potential for wrinkling her dress, she wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him tightly.  “I love you,” she said, her voice slightly muffled against his chest. 

He leaned down and gently kissed her forehead.  “I love you, too.”

After a few more moments, he pulled away and took one last look at his daughter, taking a moment to wipe away the tears that threatened to fall.  She smiled at him again and said, “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone,” and winked. 

He laughed and moved to stand at her side, holding his arm out for her to take.  “You ready, sweetie?”

Her arm hooked into his and she took a step forward, taking a deep breath.  “I think so.  Are you?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Han said, knowing very well that nothing could’ve prepared him for watching his children grow up so fast.  But as the doors opened to the vast hall with thousands of guests, he somehow immediately was able to pick out the other set of beautiful brown eyes he so loved looking into.  Leia, his wife of thirty years, smiled at him just as she had on the day he had married her, reminding him that he wasn’t losing everything that day.  And he saw the groom, looking at Jaina in such a way that Han knew he would take care of her. 

If not, he looked over to his sons, who would protect their sister just as fiercely as Han would.  Although he knew that his daughter was smart enough to choose a worthy husband, even if Han didn’t believe any man in the galaxy had ever been created that was truly worthy of marrying his only daughter. 

But if he made her happy, that was all he cared about. 

Father's Day Submission #3 - by Sunrider

This story was submitted by Sunrider.  This is her very first fic.  (And English isn't even her first languague!)  Thanks for the submission, Sunrider.  And congrats!!

Father's Day Submission by Sunrider

The crashing noise woke Han Solo up with a start. “What the...?” he said turning on the lights. “Leia, I think the kids are awake”. He looked over his shoulder, only to find an empty bed.

He went to the living area, and heard conspiratorially low voices coming from the kitchen.

He opened the door ajar and peered inside the kitchen

The twins were sitting on high stools, to reach the counter. Jacen was pouring flour inside a bowl, while Jaina stirred, her little brow furrowed in concentration. Meanwhile Leia was retrieving all the pots and frying pans that laid scattered around the floor, telling their kids off in whispers: “I'd be surprised if your father hasn't woken up with all this noise!”.

”Ok, this is ready. Now what?” said Jacen in a low voice pouring too much flour in the bowl. Jaina stirring so fast, she was sending specs of flour everywhere. Leia looked at her twins and smiled despite herself. She went to look up the recipe on her data pad. “Now it should be bright red”. She picked up little Anakin from the floor, before he could open any more doors and take out everything within, and went to see the twins cooking results. The content of the bowl was a mess of white flour. The twins looked at her, expecting an explanation of what was wrong. “Maybe we should add more water”.

“Yeah, maybe you should” said Han unable to resist the laughter any longer.

Jaina shrieked and sent the bowl to flying away with a start, covering every flour-free surface within reach. They all started to cough.

“Dad, you should be sleeping!” said Jacen, crossing his little arms and scowling. “What? With you all trying to demolish the house?” Leia's eyes rolled, and she said with a meaningful look at Han “They just wanted to make a cake for you”. Han looked down at their children's disappointed faces “And now you are going to make a cake with me. Ok, all the little nerfs covered with flour, to the shower. Now” he said. The twins went out to the fresher leaving little footprints on the floor as they went.

“Cooking... ? Really...?” said Han giving Leia a crooked grin. “Well, they wanted to make a cake for you. The fact that I can't cook doesn't mean I can't-” Han leaned over her and silenced her with a kiss. “Ouch!” Leia drew back and tried to unlock Anakin's little fingers from her hair. “Hey, there's no need to be jealous, Anakin!” Han helped her by taking their baby in his arms, so Leia could use both her hands to free her hair out of his little grasp.

She sighed “ Ok, while I clean up this mess, why don't you take care of our little nerfs?”. Han gave her a cocky smile “That's what nerfherders do, isn't it?”

Father's Day Submission #2 - by Epcot Expert

The following story was submitted by Epcot Expert in response to the Father's Day Challenge.

***

Father's Day Submission by Epcot Expert

"Where does he live? I want his head on a plate!" Han yelled as he stormed into their apartment on Coruscant. "I'll blast him faster than he can say our daughter's name again, or better yet, I'll call Chewie and have him rip this kid's arms out of his sockets!"

Leia laughed a bit as she walked from the kitchen. "Han, calm..."

"No Leia, I will not calm down! Who does he think he is?"

"Han," she said as she made her way up to him and stopped when she was close, putting her hands onto his firm chest and pushing briefly. She looked up into his familiar eyes, which were filled with the rage she knew so well from the days before Bespin, and even after that, "she'll get over it. Calm down."

"But Leia!" he cried, the anger beginning to subside. "Do you understand what he did to our little girl?"

Leia smiled, amused with his argument, "Yes, I do, but that does not give you any reason to kill him. She can take care of herself."

"I think it gives me every reason!"

"Han, listen" she spoke with a calm voice. "I'm going to go back and finish making dinner. You go talk to her, Ok?"

"I have to talk to her? Isn't that your job while I go out and kill the boy who broke her heart?"

"No. You know Jaina. The only one who is going to calm her down is you."

"I guess," he said, looking down at her and grabbing one of her hands as he spoke, "but you promise that if she wants we can kill him?"

Leia brought her husband down into a quick kiss, "I can't promise anything. Just go talk to her."

Han sighed, "alright." As Leia made her way back to the kitchen, Han walked through the apartment. They had lived there since the twins were born 16 years previous, and there were more memories that lived in every piece of it to match those he saw in the Falcon. He remembered the first time his daughter had walked, or the first time Jacen had called him dad. It was all here, and as he grew closer to Jain's room, he realized that these were really the moments he loved the most. The moments where he was their protector and their father. Where he could help them and teach them about the galaxy he spent so long trying to figure out.

Through the door he could hear the quiet sound of sobbing from the other side. He knocked slowly, "Jaina?"

No response.

"Jaina, can I come in? It's dad."

He heard movement on the other side of the wall and slowly the door opened. He towered over her, much like he did next to his wife, but when he saw her face it was like something broke. He wasn't angry anymore. His only concern was her.

"Mom told me what happened."

"She did?" she asked, trying to wipe away her tears.

"Yeah" Han continued, making his way through the door and closing it behind them. "You ok?"

Jaina sniffled, "I don't know dad." She sat back down on her bed, leaving her father standing in the doorway. Han sighed and followed her, sitting next to her.

"It's not the end of the world you know."

"It sure feels like it. Dad, how could he do this to me?"

Han put an arm around her shoulder and rubbed it. "Well I'm not him, but I'll tell you a story."

Jaina laughed, "this isn't another one about how you and mom had arguments for three years that shook the bases of the Rebel Alliance, is it?"

He laughed right along with her, "You bet it is. It's important for you to hear these!"

"Whatever you say dad," she responded, shaking her head back and forth. "Go on. What's the story?"

"Well Jaina, back during those times when your mom and I had arguments for three years that shook the bases of the Rebel Alliance, there were times we helped each other too." He looked away from his daughter and smiled, as if looking at a holofilm, the memory displayed on an invisible screen. "There was this one time that I remember your mom being completely upset. It wasn't long after a battle that took the life of one of her best friends."

"I thought the Empire took away Alderaan?"

"Well yeah Jaina," he continued, "they did. But they took a lot more than that."

"Did they take anything from you?"

Han sighed, "Yeah. They even took from me."

"What did they take?"

"Lots of things, but this story is about your mother, ok?" he asked.

"Oh, alright dad," she said, a bit confused. "So there was a battle and mom lost a good friend?"

"When I found her she just kept repeating that it wasn't fair and that it was the end of the world all over again."

"Kind of like how I feel right now?"

"Exactly like how you feel right now" he continued, pulling her closer. "In fact, she was acting a lot like you are right now"

"I thought I'm like you, not mom" she continued, folding her arms across her chest.

Han laughed loudly, "You are Jaina, or at least I like to think so. But apparently when you're upset you're just like your mom. Then again, you're a lot like her when you're angry too. Or just all the time. You're a perfect mix of us, making you one of the best girls in the galaxy."

"You really mean that?"

"Of course I do. It might be my job to tell you that, but if some guy out there isn't able to see that too, then he isn't worth your time. Plus, when your mom was all upset, I would sit with her just like I am with you now, and you know what?"

"What dad?"

"She was wrong. Her friend made a terrible loss, but it wasn't the end of the world. Look at everything your mom has now. She's got me, of course" he said with a smile that made his daughter do the same, "and Jacen and Anakin and especially, she's got you."

Jaina's smile widened. "Thanks dad. I love you" she said, wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug.

Han rested his chin on the top of her head, his own arms wrapped around his daughter. "I love you too Jaina."

They stayed like that for a minute, but when they did part, Han saw something in her eyes. "So dad. Now that I'm over Erik, can we go see if Uncle Chewie will rip his arms out of his sockets for us?"

Standing, Han laughed as he opened the door, "You know, nothing sounds better. Maybe you are more like me than your mom."

"Is there something wrong with that?" she asked, following him into the hallway.

"No, nothing at at."

Father's Day Challenge Submission #1 by StatsGrandma

The following story was submitted by StatsGrandma in response to the Father's Day Challenge.

***

CONVERSATIONS WITH MY CHILDREN

(Han's POV)

I'm not having the greatest day of my life.  I'm trying to teach Jacen how to perform some mechanical tasks on the Falcon, something for which he has zero interest.  The problem is, I can't leave him at home alone.  His mother's off at Mon Mothma's funeral on Chandrila, and he's been expelled from the Praexium.  He attends regular classes during the day, but he's not allowed to be anywhere but school or home.  He's trying to kick his glitterstim addiction, and he's struggling mightily with it.

What makes it hard is that even though he's around, he's totally noncommunicative.  I get one syllable answers if I'm lucky.  Today's no different.

He's about to get an electric shock the way he's connecting some wires, and I hurry over and grab them from him.

"What the hell?"  He snaps at me.

"You were about to get a jolt that'd lay you on the ground,"  I explain simply to him. 

"Maybe it'd be better if I did," he says, no energy, no fight left in his voice.

Something in his voice tells me that he needs to talk, but this is the first opportunity that's broken where maybe, just maybe, he'll tell me what this is all about.

"Jacen, c'mere."  I set my tools down and we sit down in the Falcon's lounge.  He's surly and he resentful looking.  I grab two asteria waters and hand one to him.  He doesn't do anything but stare at it. 

"Whaddya want?" he asks me, mumbling.

"What's going on?" 

"You know what's going on.  I got kicked outta Praexium, that's what."

"Yeah, I know, and I know why you did, too. That's not what I'm asking.  I know you're trying to kick the 'stim -- "

"You think that's not hard?"  He looks at me for the first time, his voice a growl. 

"No, I've seen how hard it is."  I've witnessed it more than once.  My first experience in viewing it was when I was a young smuggler. 

"You don't understand.  You wouldn't,"  he says, his tone still sulky.

"Try me."

He looks up again.  I'm daring him and he knows it. 

"I'm not sorry I got kicked outta Praexium." 

I can deal with that. 

"It seems like everyone wants to be fighters and shit," he continues.  "I don't wanna be a Jedi knight.  I hate fighting. And it's bad 'cause Jaina beats me at everything. I'm tired of being her stupid brother."

"You're not stupid, so let's get past that.  Just because you do stupid things doesn't mean you're stupid.  Look at my life."  I've never hidden from the kids what I did in my former life. 

He doesn't answer that.

"Jacen, dude, you're kind of a mess right now, but the best thing to do is play from your strengths.  What do you like to do most?"

His eyes are downcast again.  "I like animals.  I only feel good when I'm with animals."

This is true; we have an apartment full of his pets, some of which are cuddly, some not.  He's always loved animals.

"I can talk to them and they talk to me,"  Jacen says.  "I know what they feel.  I can help them when they're hurt and sad.  I just can't do it with people."

"Nothing wrong with that.  Getting along with other sentients, that's tough."

He looks up at me again.  He's kicking the table restlessly, but he's becoming a little more engaged. 

"They talk about the Living Force at Praexium, but we don't do very much with it.  Everything's about fighting.  They say they're peacekeepers but then all we do is learn to fight, that's what it seems like."

He might be exaggerating, but probably only a little. I know where Luke's coming from.

"And..."  he looks down again.

"And?"

"I hate...I hate being away from home."  His face turns crimson. 

"Nothing to be ashamed of."  It's not. I hate being away sometimes, too, which is why I mostly just train pilots these days; ferrying cargo can still be fun from time to time but I'm 50 now and it's not as easy as it used to be. "Listen, do you know why Mom fought for the New Republic?"

"I dunno.  That's all she cares about is her job."

I've felt that way at times as well.  I won't say it, because I know it's not true, but he's got what he's feeling and he needs to let it out.

"We fought it so we can come home for dinner at night,"  I tell him simply.  And it's true.  Leia's reasons are more complex, but we wanted sentients everywhere to have better lives. 

"Yeah, well, kind of hard to do when you're stuck on Yavin."  His voice is bitter.  "Uncle Luke says I'm headed for the Dark Side."

Maybe that's true, but it pisses me off. 

"I'm scared 'cause I think he's right.  Dad, I just wanna learn the Living Force. I don't wanna be a soldier.  Jaina does but I'm not Jaina."

No wonder this kid's struggling.  He has no idea how to get what he wants.  And comments such as what my brother law made to him are going to be addressed.  True or not, frightening this already scared kid of mine is out of bounds.

"And you know what? Anakin doesn't wanna be a Jedi knight, either."

"Oh?"

"Anakin thinks he's gonna end up like our grandfather."  He spits the last word out as if he's got a foul taste in his mouth.  "He doesn't like the Praexium.  "He's not, is he?"

"Not if I have anything to say about it.  But Anakin's a separate conversation." One I intend to have with my younger son. 

"What I really wanna do is care for animals,"  Jacen says. "I wanna go to veterinary college."

I mull this over.  He'd be great at it.  But he needs to correct some practical matters.  "You'd need to get your grades up,"  I tell him.  "The entrance exams are brutal, and not everyone makes it, so if you're thinking that way, you need to a, get your grades in shape and b, start studying for the entrance exams."

He nods.  I think there're tears in his eyes.  "You'd be okay with that?  Would Mom?"

"Mom and I want you kids to be happy in your lives.  That's the best way to guard against the Dark Side." 

"Do I have to go back to Praexium?"

"Let me talk to your mom about it."  I'm sure Leia will go along with it.  "You probably need to be able to discipline the Force a little more, but I will have words with your uncle and aunt."

"Aunt Mara's nicer to me than Uncle Luke.  She doesn't say things like I'm gonna end up on the Dark Side."

"Aunt Mara's worked both sides of the fence."

"I didn't know that."

"Now you do.  She'd probably tell you if you asked her."

"Remember how we used to do music together?  Can we do that again?"

I've definitely missed that.  He's the only one of the three that demonstrates any musical interest.  He was on his way to becoming a pretty good guitar and keyboard player before he had to leave.

"Maybe.  Also, Dad?"

He's blushing a little. 

"What is it?"

"I've...I've...I've got this girl at school, we've been walking to classes together and we have the same sections and she's nice.  I can talk to her."

Wow. My son has discovered girls.  Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later.  I have to smile.  He is, after all, 15. 

"I wanna ask her to do stuff like after school, go out to see holoflicks and get kaf and stuff like that."

You also want to fuck her brains out, I say to myself, but that's not the sort of thing you say to your parents. 

He's so typically 15, I realize.  He's struggling with the questions we all do -- identity, paths to take and not take, sexual attraction, the whole bit.  Even the 'stim addiction might be part of it.

"Also, Dad?  Those pills I gotta take for the 'stim?  I hate 'em.  They make me feel awful.  And I still get cravings anyway."

Once again, something I'll have to take under advisement.  "I'll talk about it with Mom.  She'll be home tomorrow night."

Jacen stares down again.  I know he's trying to be brave, and it's not easy to be brave when you're so afraid.

I know he's 15, but I slip my arm over his shoulders, and he breaks down.  I know he's trying not to cry, but at this point, there's something to be said for it.

"You're never afraid,"  he says tearfully.

"Oh, I get scared plenty,"  I assure him.

"But you don't seem scared."

"Brave isn't something you are.  It's something you do."

"But how do you do it when you're afraid?"

"Son, that's the only time you can be brave."

01123581321345589144233377610987

It's the week of the month where the Jedi trainees get to come home.  I can't wait.  I miss my baby girl more than I can say.  I miss my son Anakin as well, but he's in the beginners' group, and they come home on a different week.  It's really pretty irritating.

"Daddy!"  she squeals when she sees me, giving me a hug that crushes my ribs. 

"Hey there little princess."

She scoffs and looks at me as if I've lost it.

"Dad, Mom's the princess, not me."

"You're my little princess, whether you like it or not." 

We head back to the docking bay to get on the Falcon.

"I'm at the top of my class in fencing!"  she announced gleefully.  "And I did great on sim training!"

"Now there's a shock,"  I say to her.  She's let go of me, dragging her duffel of dirty laundry behind her. 

"Want me to carry that?"  I offer.

"Dad, it's clothes. I think I can handle clothes."

Okay, so much for trying to be a gentleman.

"Next month we have tests for fighter pilot training,"  she tells me.  "I'm gonna ace that thing."

I marvel at her and feel a little sad at the same time.  My baby girl has turned into a smart, funny, confident and absolutely gorgeous young lady.  I'm not sure I can deal with this.

She's so different from her twin brother that if they didn't resemble each other, I'd swear they were from different planets. 

"How's Jacen?"  she asks me as we start the pre flight check.

"Jacen's okay.  It's still rough."

"He's such a wimp."

I glare at her.  "Jacen's not a wimp, and you will not call him that," I tell her sternly, and I mean it.  She's angered me a little here.  "Just because he wants different things out of life doesn't mean he's a wimp."

"He was like the worst at everything.  Like he didn't give a flying fuck."

I don't feel like having an argument with her.  "Why don't you try talking to your brother when you get home."

"I don't think he wants to talk to me.  He hates me."

"And you know that how?"

"Listen, I tried to help him in his courses, but he just tuned me out.  I even tried to defend him when Uncle Luke gave him the boot, but he just told me to leave him alone.  And I can feel that he hates me."

"You sure your senses are that fine tuned?"

"He's my twin!  Of course I feel him!" She snaps at me and rolls her eyes, the way her mom does when she thinks I'm a complete idiot. She finishes the preflight and I go over it with her.  She has learned her stuff, no doubt about it.

"So Daddy, can I pilot?"  she asks, using the look she always does when she wants her way, and knows that I'm helpless to resist her.

"You can, but the first near death experience and I take over the controls,"  I warn her.

"Relax.  I'll fly nice. I promise."

"Where have I heard that before?"  I've let her pilot a few times, and she scares the hell outta me.  I hope she's become less reckless. I realize then how ridiculous that sounds, coming from me.  But just because I was a space cowboy once doesn't mean she can be one.

She actually does a very nice liftoff, smooth and clean.  But once we're trying to escape gravity, she decides that it's time to be a rough rider.

"You keep that up and you'll come out of orbit too fast and you're gonna lose your bearings," I warn her.

"I am not!" 

My daughter has always been a spirited kid, but some of that's taking on the form of recklessness.  And I need to help her break that. I'm sure her confidence is something admired among her peers.  But there's being confident and then there's being idiotically confident.  I've had experience with both.

As expected, she comes out of orbit too fast.  "Okay, now you need to correct your course," I inform her sharply. 

"Of course I need to correct it!  Gods, do you take me for a complete moron like my brothers?"

She actually makes the accurate correction needed.  I'm tempted to kick her out of the pilot's seat but let's see how she does the rest of the way home.

"How's Anakin?"  I ask her.

She gives a look of distaste.  "He's not exactly a rocket scientist.  Well, okay, he is, he's good at fixing stuff, he's got some ideas for the hyperdrive, but he hates it at Praexium.  I told him to stick with it and he won't hate it."

"Do you ever get homesick?" I ask her.

She gives me another withering look. "So what if I do?"

"I just asked if you did."

"Daddy, sometimes you ask the dumbest questions.  Of course I miss it at home. I miss my old school friends.  But if I'm gonna be the best fighter pilot ever, this is what I gotta do."

I nod and feel pangs of sadness. Her brothers still need Leia and me, but she's pretty much benched me.  I know she's tough and I know she's cool.  But I'd like to believe she still has a place in her heart for me. 

"What's Mom doing?"  Jaina asks me.  She and Leia have a very complicated mother-daughter relationship.  I try to stay away from that because sometimes it goes nova.  The one thing I don't need is the fallout.

"Mom's thinking about changing her life some,"  I answer.  I'd rather Leia explain this for herself.

"Oh, she wants to be queen of the galaxy?"  Jaina's voice is hard.

"Actually, she's talking about leaving her job."

"You're kidding.  Mom not have her job?  That's her life.  What's she gonna do all the time?"

"Relax, just be with us, get away from the crazy political bullshit."

"Maybe she should have thought of that sooner."  The bitterness is there. 

"I can't change the past, Jaina, and neither can she.  We can only move forward."

"I've gotta make the jump to light speed.  Hold on."

"Let me check your coordinates first," I insist, just as I do for my trainees.

"You don't trust me,"  she says flatly.

"I simply want us to get home in one piece.  Listen, young lady, you pass the fighter pilot exam, you could very well get stuck with me as your instructor, so practice listening up starting now." My voice comes out sharper than I'd like. 

"You think I don't listen to you?" Jaina retorts.  Gods, I hate this. We have limited time together and I hate spending it arguing, but lately, that's the way it's been. "I've listened to you all my life!  Why do you think I wanna be a pilot, anyway?"

"I'm not sure anymore,"  I say, feeling weary with defeat.

"I wanna do it because of you."

"I'm flattered.  But don't become a pilot just for me.  Do it for yourself because it's what you really wanna do."

"It IS what I want to do."

She makes the jump to light speed, and the ship lurches.  She really needs to do a smoother job, but that comes with practice.  I try hard not to show that my stomach contents are trying to remain in place.

We're quiet for a while, which suits me fine; once she gets to light speed, things calm down.

"I miss Jacen,"  she blurts out.  "I wish he'd come back to Praexium.  I'm sure Uncle Luke and Aunt Mara would let him now."

"I think that should be Jacen's decision."

"What's he gonna do with his life if he doesn't?"

"He has a few ideas."

"He's a Jedi, Daddy!  That's something you don't turn your back on!"

"He can use the Force for things other than being a warrior.  Let's face it, honey, you've always wanted things a certain way, but that isn't going to work for your brother."

Her face is sad.  "I thought we were a team."

"You still can be one.  But you're gonna have to meet him part of the way."

"He really embarrassed me, getting hooked on the 'stim."

"I think he's more embarrassed himself.  Tell me, do other kids do that at Praexium?"

"The weak ones do."

I'm angered by her answer.  "That's a cheap shot.  Your arrogance is not attractive, dear daughter."

She glares at me and turns to the task at hand.  The girl is focused, I'll give her that.  I'm proud of her and what she's done and can do, but compassion seems to be something she hasn't developed. And that disturbs me, because it's like looking in the mirror.

"Shit! We're coming up on a solar storm!  That wasn't in the weather charts!"  I can see she's a little nervous now.  "Maybe you should pilot, Daddy."

"No, I'm going to show you how to work your way through it," I tell her sternly. 

Now she looks nervous.

"Go to sublight."

"Don't you wanna get through it as fast as possible?"  Her voice shows some tension.

"You do, but sometimes if you slow down, you can get there faster because you have to do fewer course corrections and if you run into a flare, you're not going to burn up in it or be swung around in it."

I watch her maneuver.  I want her to figure this out.  She could use a little humility.

The next two hours are very tense.  She's trying to do everything I tell her, and she's doing okay with it, but she's clearly nervous. 

She wants baptism by fire, she's got it. Unfortunately, I'm along for the ride. 

Finally, we get past the worst of the storm and we're about to enter Coruscant's orbit.  I've stopped giving her instructions for a long time now. 

She's trying to ease the Falcon into orbit.  It's rough in some places and needs work, but she does it.  We're preparing to enter the atmosphere and it's a bumpy ride; it's not simply her skills here.  Coruscant's atmosphere tends to be turbulent till past the tropopause.

"Do you wanna land it, Daddy?"

"No.  You're doing fine." 

She gives her coordinates to ground control, and gets permission to land.  Her touch down isn't elegant or smooth, but it does the job. She's got the shakes once she turns off the engines.  It's what happens when you're on adrenaline load; when you're done, it catches up with you.  I've had it more times than I'd like to admit.

"That was kinda scary," Jaina admits to me.  "Not like the sim."

"It's a little different in real life.  So, whaddya wanna do, little princess?"

"I was thinking I should maybe talk to Jacen."

01123581321345589144233377610987

I'm finishing lecture class for the day.  It's lunchtime and after that, it's sim study time.  The sims are wild; some kids even puke after some of the scenarios.  Most of the time, they'd never encounter those things, but it's necessary to be prepared.

I'm about to hunt down Wedge for lunch when my comm goes off.

To my shock, it's Anakin.

"Anakin, kiddo, what's up?"  I then notice he's got tears running down his face.  "Are you okay?"  I realize as soon as I've said it that it was totally idiotic question.  Of course he's not okay; he's crying and he's called me. I'm a little surprised; Anakin's always been closer to Leia, and she's usually the one that gets the call if he's upset.

"I wanna come home!" 

"Is there a reason why?"

"I hate it here."

"Okay.  So why do you hate it?"

"I...I just do, okay?"  He's really trying not to cry.

"I wanna be with you and Mom!  Mom says she's leaving her job and I don't wanna be here anymore."

I ponder this.  He just turned 14 and has been at Praexium two months. 

"Everyone says my grandpa was an evil Sith and I'm gonna be an evil Sith just like him!"

"Did you talk to Uncle Luke and Aunt Mara?"

"No.  They're too busy."

I doubt this; Luke and Mara always have time to talk to their students. I will credit my brother in law with that.  Granted, when we didn't send Jacen back after his suspension he was upset, but he acquiesced, provided Jacen attend two weeks' training in the Living Force.

"I'm not like him!  I'm not!"  Anakin protests.  "He was evil!  I don't wanna be evil!"

Anakin, evil?  He's a very sweet kid, gets along with everyone.  He can be mildly competitive, but he leans more towards cooperation.

"Miss your mom, don't you?" 

"Yeah.  I do.  I don't wanna be here! Everybody's so mean.  It's like Jaina this and Jaina that and Jacen's a wimp and a screw up and they don't know anything about us at all!"

"Apparently not."  I'm sure Luke and Mara do their best to keep things on an even keel, but these are kids, and kids can be amazingly cruel.

"Can you please come get me?"  Anakin pleads to me.

"Your week off is next week.  I'd like you to stick it out at least for that.  When you get here, you and your mom and I can talk more about it." I can understand why he's upset, but I don't get the feeling he's falling apart.  Not that I'm Force sensitive or anything, so likely I'm wrong.  With Jacen, he was a mess.  Anakin's homesick and adjusting to a different way of life.  He had a lot of friends at school when he was still here.  At the Praexium, the kids are all new to him.  And I don't think Luke and Mara would allow him to be bullied. 

"I hate it when people call me Darth Vader!" 

"Now that, I don't care what you have to do.  You're going to pull Aunt Mara or Uncle Luke off to the side and tell them exactly what's going on.  Just remember, you're not Darth Vader and you never will be."

Anakin's calmed down some.  "What if I don't wanna be a Jedi?  Jacen doesn't wanna be a Jedi and you let him come home."

"We had to."

"I know, 'cause he got kicked out." My son is calmer now.  He still doesn't like his situation, but I think it can be remedied. 

"If your aunt or uncle won't talk with you -- and I'm sure they will -- call me and then I'll make them wish they had."

That gets a laugh out of him.  "Do you know how many times a day they say 'a Jedi's strength flows from the Force?"  He has a smile on his face now. 

"Enough to make you barf?"

He's laughing now.  "Yesterday they said it 73 times.  I counted.  So far today they've said it 44 times."

"I'd be ready to crack open a few heads after that."  We share a good laugh.  "It's like when I go to dinner parties with your mom that I hate.  It's all 'Captain Solo this' and 'Captain Solo that.'  I have a name, and I'm only the captain when I'm on my ship.  So after I've heard it a few times, I just want to ditch the place."

"Mom says you always wanna bail out of those,"  Anakin says to me, and now there's no sign of tension and tears. We're both laughing. 

"Most of the time, I do.  I do it for your mom, though, although she's sick of 'em, too."  He's the smiling kid he usually is again.  "You gonna be okay?"

"I'm fine.  See you next week.  I'm gonna be waiting."

"Me too, kiddo, me too."