Confessions Challenge: Submission by Statsgrandma

Here is another submission for the "Confessions" challenge, this one by Statsgrandma.  It doesn't 100% fall within the guidelines of the challenge, as it was asked that these take place between Truce at Bakura and Tatooine Ghost, but "rules" were meant to be broken and as long as a challenge inspired something, I'm ok with it.  So, here it is:

DAWN IS A LONG WAY OFF

(Leia)

The shield doors have just been closed. 

The despair I feel is almost as deep as the loss of my home planet.

Han left several hours ago to find Luke.  There's been no communication since from either of them.  The night is very dark and a snowstorm is blowing about in heavy wind. The portable supplies Han left with are far too flimsy for a night such as this.

I wish Luke hadn't checked out the meteor he saw.  There's a lot of meteor activity here on Hoth, according to General Riekkan.  Luke could have headed in any direction.

Luke's a dear friend to me, and friends are not something I have many of here at Echo Base. He's like a brother to me. I hear the gossip; I'm known as the Ice Princess, not to mention other names that are significantly less complimentary and more obscene. 

And Han? 

Here's where it gets complicated.

The Alliance heavily rewarded him for his part in retrieving the documents pertinent to the Death Star, in the hopes that we could find a weakness.  Fortunately, there was.  The Imperials probably didn't consider small fighters when it was designed; with the Imperials, size is everything, and bigger is better.

We lost many fighters in that battle.  And it didn't look good for Luke.  He'd lost all his cover and his gunner.  He needed all the help he could get from the Force.  He got that.  But the Force wouldn't have been much help had he not had someone to cover him -- and at the last moment, it appeared, in the unlikely form of the mercenary, arrogant pirate known as Han Solo. 

I began to rethink my position on him, and in doing so, I made an alarming discovery: I was attracted to him. 

I told myself, this is ridiculous. You've got a war to fight.  And besides, most of the time he was as selfish as they came. But then he decided to stay on.  I was embarrassingly relieved, but also more confused than ever. 

If anyone ever needed the shirt that said 'I'm The One Your Mother Warned You About,' it would be him. I was a person with responsibilities.  I made a commitment to the Alliance to serve, and it was a commitment that required all of my time and energy. I had no time to indulge in girlish crushes, and I was determined not to turn into a giggling, foolish stereotype. I'd always scorned grown women who could be turned to Bantha cream because of a man.

No way was I going that route.

And yet, earlier today, I heard him tell General Riekkan that he had to leave.  I heard the conversation and my guts hit the floor as if the entire length of me had been sliced open. 

What was he talking about? He'd said he was staying on!  And now he said he's leaving.  Yes, I understand that he owes money to some underworld major domo.  But we can protect him.  Doesn't he understand this?  We can keep him from being murdered by what is likely some of the lowest of the lowlife in existence.

Of course, he was horribly rude to me after he finished telling the general and I became furious.  I chased after him, and instead of telling him how I feel, which is something I'm not completely clear on yet, I argued with him and we insulted each other.

Same as it ever was.

I leave the hangar and wander to the control center.

"No word, General?" I ask.

He shakes his head sadly.  "Nothing, Princess.  But it's possible that the storm is blocking all transmissions.  We've not heard anything in hours.  You should return to your quarters and get some sleep."

Sleep is the last thing that's going to happen tonight.  I'd prefer to remain here, but when Carlist Riekkan gives an order, you'd better obey it.  Reluctantly, I leave for my quarters, which are like everyone else's -- freezing cold. 

But that's nothing compared to what Han and Luke are enduring at the moment.

Threepio and Artoo follow me.

"Is there anything I can do, Mistress Leia?" Threepio asks solicitously. 

Unless you can bring Han and Luke back immediately, safe and sound, forget it.  But I simply reply, "No." Artoo gives what sounds like a sympathetic beep. I bid them good night and they depart. 

I'm alone with nothing but my thoughts, my fears, my longings.  My mind keeps traveling back to the man in the Corellian bloodstripes.

Why, I scream silently.  With him, it's always business first.  I thought he'd changed.  He's going to be out of here as soon as he rescues Luke...

It occurs to me that no one else volunteered to look for Luke.  Han alone gave no thought to his welfare as he ventured out on a tauntaun into the endless dark and dangerous night. 

But as soon as he does...he's got to do it...he's gone. 

I'm such a fool to be attracted to him.  This is a schoolgirl crush, I tell myself, and nothing more.  Granted, he's the most handsome male animal I've ever met.  He's funny and he gets people's cooperation by making them laugh. 

And even if he and Luke survive the night, he'll be gone, anyway.

This is ridiculous.  There is no way there is a future for us. We come from two different worlds.  I don't know his background, but let's just say that he's someone my father would never approve of. 

I hope both of them live, but even if they do, I'll only have one.  A loving, caring friend, but nothing at all like what I think I'm feeling for Han.

Why can't I just tell him?  Because he'll mock me if I do.  Everyone will know and I can't deal with that sort of humiliation.

I have a confession to make: I have never been so frightened in my life. I've never been so anguished and so confused.   And I have no idea what to do about it.

Dawn is a long way off.

Reponse to "Confession Challenge" Submission by Zolo77

 Just a little reminder that there is no time limit for any of our challenges and you can submit them at any time.  With that, here is a response to the old "Confessions" challenge submitted by Zolo77.  Enjoy!

Demons - by Zolo77

Han awoke with a start, disoriented.

Taking in his surroundings he remembered being on board Home One, in one of the Officers Cabins. That in itself was a strange occurrence, and one of complete coincidence. He had been staying in the Upper Starboard hanger on-board the Falcon but with the repair list building into something out of a nightmare, and the heating system kicking in and turning off without notice or instruction over the last week, it was becoming harder to stand in his beloved ship, let alone sleep. Rieekan had pulled the list of available rooms late that evening and found him this one to make use of until the repairs were in order - or indefinitely, if he would sign his name to this mismatched band of rebels.

He lifted a hand to rub his eyes, annoyed and disturbed as to why he was woken so suddenly. Strange, he was shaking. Noticing also for the first time that his breathing had accelerated and the bare skin of his chest reacted chillingly to the darkness in the room. Adrenaline ran rampant through his system for reasons still unknown. He couldn't remember a dream which would have woken him.

A blood curdling scream ripped through him in an instant, and before his brain registered what what happening, he had leaped out of bed, and was standing in the hallway searching for the source of the noise; dressed solely in sleep pants, blaster in hand. This stretch of rooms was, to his knowledge, completely deserted. Extra space and miscellaneous offices used to hold medical and emergency food supplies.

Cries sounded again from halfway down to his left. Following the source, he stopped outside an alcove of doors, and listened.

As with everything in the Rebellion, the sleeping quarters on board this half of the ship were subject to power loss and malfunctioning equipment. But who was he to throw stones at that? He has a menopausal ship on his hands at the moment, and no idea how to treat her.

The doors in front of him all registered green, signalling the lock was not engaged and open.

In the silence he waited. But he did not need to wait long. Another scream rang out from behind him. A woman's scream, followed by begs of mercy and pleas to stop.

Han spun and launched him at the door, opening it and slamming his fist into the lighting panel inside, blaster aimed at the far side of the room, slamming his fist again into the wall. "Get off of her!" He bellowed, and was this time rewarded with a night-setting glow across the ceiling. "Hey!" He yelled again as the crying and begging continued. "I said, GET OFF of her!" Nothing changed, no one stood. No one told him to leave and to mind his own damn business. But still the muffled sobs went on. "What the-" The small form huddled on the bed half covered by a thick twisted blanket was alone. It was Leia. Curled into a ball, crying and facing away from him, shoulders hunched in on herself, legs kicking in small strained bursts.

Leia.

Oh Gods, Leia.

He knew, both from general knowledge and from first hand experience, you should never try to wake someone in the throws of a night-terror. But as he stood above her, watching helplessly as she shook and mumbled incoherently, he knew it would take more strength than he had to walk away. How could he leave her to her horrors? Leave her locked in a world that was hurting her and not help, not step in and save her when he had the opportunity.

Just then she arched back, panting and screamed.

"Leia! Leia! Please, Leia. Wake up! Damn it! Leia, please wake up. It's alright, I have you. Leia." Kneeling beside her, half on the small bed, he swept a hand up her arm to her shoulder, continuing quickly passed her neck and finally stopped at the head, cupping the back of her head. "Leia."

Her eyes sprang open, wild and terrified. He called her name again: still unfocused. "Leia, it's me. I'm here, I have you, you're safe."

"Han?" she rasped, gasping and shaking. He gathered her to him before he even registered that he was doing it, and held her. Her hair was matted, the back of the camisole she wore clung to her, drenched in sweat and freezing cold. Moving he sat further in on the bed, clutching her to him like a lifeline as her body racking sobs quieted and her breather normalized.

"I'm sorry I disturbed you. I'm alright now. Thank you."

"Disturbed me?" he repeated, not moving and not letting her go. "Sweetheart, you didn't disturb me, I thought you were being attacked. You kept screaming "stop" and "please". Leia, what's going on? Have you had dreams like this before?"

She sat silently for a moment longer, before nodding. "Occasionally."

"How often is occasionally?" answering with shrug she let out another large shaky breath. "It matters, tell me."

"All the time," her voice was barely above a whisper. Han sat stunned. How was it that she had nights like this all the time, and he had no idea. no one did as far as he could tell. No one mentioned it at least. And obviously no one had tried to help her.

"Wait, is that why you've changed rooms?"

"Yes. And how do you know where my old room was?" He smiled at that. That seemed more the woman he knew, not the scared creature in his arms now. But the quick witted, sharp-tongued fiery beauty who haunted him every moment of every day.

"Oh, I have my ways and my reasons. So you moved so no one would hear you?"

"Yes, I didn't realize there was anyone else in the part of the ship."

"Well, there wasn't, I'm here provisionally. And I'm glad I was. You need to talk to someone Leia. Is there anything you can take that would help?"

"I did talk to a medic when I first started getting them, he gave me a sleepaid. But that made me groggy and they didn't stop, the only difference was that I couldn't wake myself up from them at all."

"Shit."

"I'm sorry for waking you."

"Don't start with that. I'm just glad I was here. Look," he shifted her so he could better watch her face. Realizing for the first time that she was nearly as half naked as he was, and in any other situation, he would have made a comment on it, in hopes of making her blush. But that was overshadowed now. She was hurting. And worst of all, he didn't know how to help her. "How long have these been happening to you?"

Leia swallowed and tried to sit back, he kept her in place by hugging her tighter and murmuring into her hair. Reluctantly she relaxed again and after a pause she answered. "I've had them ever since you met me. It's all Death Star / Alderaan related. It's all fairly horrid."

"I'm going on a supply run in a few days, I wont be gone long, but can I look for something that might help? I'll look into it, make a few inquires while I'm planet-side."

Leia looked up at him, and swallowed. "Okay, thank you. I'm going to try to get some sleep, and you should too. I'll be alright." She pushed away from him again and he let her. Standing he moved away from her back towards the door, stooping to pick up his discarded blaster from where he had hurled it on the desk.

"Han," he stopped and turned back to her, she was bundled in the blanket, long dark hair framing her face. "Thank you. But please, please don't tell anyone."

"I won't. You have my word. Does anyone else but me know know about this?"

"Thank you, I would hate to be known as the orphaned princess who has nightmares." she smiled shakily trying to lighten the mood. "And yes, well, you and Carlist. He knows too, and I made him promise not to tell anyone."

Han nodded and smiled to her. Without another word, he walked out and quietly shut the door behind him.

Placing the blaster again under his head he lay and stared at the ceiling. Unable to sleep or relax. Too worked up and worried about the young woman down the hall.

A young woman who had slid so completely into his life.

Thanks for the submission!  And again, anyone interested in contributing is always free to contact us!

More Movie Rumors, Potential Good News

 

Well, now things seem to be coming out more and more.  I just came across this article HERE which says what I'd heard from a few of you, that apparently the changes that are happening behind the scenes were actually to make sure that Han, Leia and Luke are the focal point of the new movie and not their offspring.  Of course whether or not this is true is anyone's guess, but it seems like it's making the rounds on a lot of sites which leads me to believe it may actually have some basis in reality.  It also mentioned specifically that originally it was to focus on Luke's son and Han and Leia's daughter.  I'm still curious to know whether in this case we're talking about Ben and Jaina or two completely new characters.  I suppose it shouldn't matter, but I'm still curious.  Eventually I expect we'll get the whole story there, even if it isn't until after the movie comes out. 

I actually find it interesting if what the article says is true, that it was Abrams who really wanted to give the old characters a proper send off and wasn't ready to let go of the original characters before passing things along.  He must be a bigger fan than I had thought.  I figured that he'd want to move on and make it more his own.  It also says that Lucas was the one who was against this idea.  But apparently he is no longer the final word, or he is at least not immune to having his mind changed.  Considering his more recent track record, this could also be a very good thing. 

Personally, I don't know what to think.  Part of me thinks this is the greatest news ever (if true), but then again I'm so used to being disappointed lately I can see just being annoyed with it all.  In some ways, this is stupid, because knowing myself, I know I am a very, very forgiving fan when it comes to things I've been a fan of for most of my life.  I mean, I kind of liked the fourth Indiana Jones movie.  I know in a lot of ways it's dumb and the alien thing was stupid and hey, look, everyone got old!  But for things I've loved for so long I can usually just enjoy the fact that they are giving me more of something I've always loved even if it's nowhere near perfect and kind of corny in a lot of ways.  Seriously, if you told me there was going to be another Star Wars movie when I was 5 or 10 or 15 or 22... I would've flipped out (in a good way) and been ridiculously excited.  They've made me jaded! 

Again, this news is not 100% confirmed but given how things have played out thus far, it does at least seem plausible.  I'll try and be optimistic.  Because, frankly, if it is going to be about them and we get to see old Han, Leia and Luke kicking ass (Han and Leia in between being happily married for 30+ years) I can mostly only picture myself watching it while trying to suppress a smile as I bask in the awesomeness of seeing my favorite movie characters on screen again. 

Oh, and as for the other casting news, that's all fine with me so far.  They haven't mentioned anyone that I would really not want to see, so I'm ok with all of that.  I'm sure there's a chance they'll talk about casting someone that would make me seethe with anger, but fortunately that hasn't happened yet.

Star Wars Canon About to Get Major Overhaul: What was "Real" May Not Be Much Longer

 

The news just keeps coming and if I do say so myself, it keeps getting more and more infuriating because they keep telling us things without actually telling us anything.  I just came across this article HERE that basically tells us that there will now be an "official" canon that will be followed for the movies, and a lot of what currently exists won't be included. 

In some ways, this can be a good thing.  The Star Wars universe is quite complex and between novels, graphic novels, comic books, video games, role play games, children's books, adult books, ebooks and what have you, there is an awful lot of story to keep straight.  And I'll be honest when I say that at times it seems downright annoying to try and make sure it all ties together and happened in the same universe in the same timeline.  Like, gee, how many times did Boba Fett die? 

I can't help but feel a little bit cheated, though.  It sort of makes it like all of those books I've been reading for the past 20 years have been kind of pointless.  Yes, I realize that's stupid.  And the entire point of fanfic is that we can take these people and write the things we really want to see happen, and most of my favorite stories about my favorite characters have been written by people who were never paid a dime to do so.  But I suffered through the bad parts of the EU probably partly because that was what I was told was "real" and what actually happened to these characters.  Of course I was unhappy with a lot of it but I kept reading anyway. 

My other fear, and I believe we've discussed this before, is the devil you know is better than the devil you don't.  We all have problems with the EU as it currently stands, but we've gotten used to it.  And at its core, the most important thing to any of our readers here is the notion that Han and Leia got married and had kids and 40-something years later now they still love each other and their one remaining child and their grandchild.  It actually makes my stomach hurt to think that they might change that!  Well, not the dead sons thing, but you know what I mean.  And yes, I also realize it's stupid to get wrapped up and care so much about those little facts, but I do.  And my frustration continues at the fact that after all of this time we still don't know what in the universe these movies are going to be about.  I'll care a whole lot less if I find out that the story is set 100 years later.  Then again even in that scenario I'll be annoyed if we find out that Han and Leia never got married.  Or I'm given any indication that they didn't live at least some variation of happily ever after.  Seriously, even if they aren't going to be in the movie at all either way that would bother me.  And yes, I know I have problems. 

Of course there is a chance there is a good thing.  And as of now there is no indication of exactly how much of what exists now will be taken out of official canon.  It could just be things that were already considered "lower-tier" canon (think the Glove of Darth Vader series or some comic books that contradict some other things that happened) or it could be everything that was never shown on a movie screen.  This would also leave them free to write all kinds of books in all kinds of time frames and not worry about what happened before or since.  Although I think it'd be odd if they started putting out a lot of random stand alone books that didn't really connect to anything else, so I'm not sure that really matters. 

They did say that this frees up Lawrence Kasdan, the screenwriter (who also happened to write ESB) to write what he sees fit as a good story without having to worry about working within a framework of convoluted plot lines spanning years that he really knows nothing about.  Again, this could be good or bad. 

My personal reaction is just heaving yet another annoyed sigh.  They keep threatening and changing things without actually telling us what they are changing it to.  We have no idea the time frame the movies will take place.  After being excited to learn that our favorite characters might be coming back we've been left hanging on any further news on that front for what now, a year?  Possibly more.  They won't confirm anything.  For a long time I assumed that if they weren't going to be in them they'd have just told us by now because it seems odd to continue to not deny but rather deflect if they know ultimately they are going to have to tell us we won't see more of Han, Leia and Luke and we'll just be disappointed.  Then again, given the screenwriter changing and shooting dates being pushed around it's also possible that they still haven't made any concrete decisions there, although I admit I'll find that hard to believe only because with all of the scheduling and planning that has to take place, they really do have to know by now.  I also fear that what they were going to do with the first screenwriter was going to be awesome and now that they've changed it's going to suck.  I don't know why I fear that, as Kasdan has written a scary amount of my favorite movies ever and you'd think we're in capable hands  but I'm so used to disappointment lately that it's just what I've come to expect. 

Apparently this is what has been going on for years in the Star Trek community, with an "official" canon and then books and things like that are sort of left free to do whatever they want without having to adhere to anything specific.  Again, I suppose this could be cool and fun but at the same time it just seems like it could get confusing. 

So, what do you think?  Confused?  Disappointed?  Nervous?  Excited?  I'm going through a cynical streak right now in general so basically I'm setting myself up for epic disappointment, but as usual, it remains to be seen.

Would Leia Marry for the Sake of the Rebellion?

We haven't had a good old fashioned discussion around here lately.  The above photo is from an upcoming issue of Dark Horse's Star Wars comic book series.  This series began production last year and focuses on the time period between ANH and ESB.  I've flipped through a few issues without actually buying any, figuring I'll wait until they publish them all in a book.  Sadly, it will come to an abrupt halt since Marvel will now take over once Dark Horse's contract runs out, since Disney now owns Mavel and Star Wars.  The going trend seems to be Disney taking away cool things that were going to happen (Star Wars: Detours, anyone?) so I'm betting we'll get more stupid comics about Jedi 30,000 years ago or something and no more Han, Leia and Luke stuff. 

But anyway, that's not what this post is about.  This post is about the above issue, which may or may not include Leia marrying for the sake of the Rebellion.  By my count, this is at least the fourth time this has come up in the Star Wars universe, although I might be forgetting something.  First was the Star Wars Radio Drama, which if you haven't listened to it, includes a lot of back story with Luke and Leia before what we see in the movie.  Part of this back story is an encounter with an Imperial officer Lord Tion, who seems to think a marriage would be mutually beneficial.  Obviously, this doesn't happen. 

Next was Prince Denid in the Marvel comics, which included a terrible fade to black scene where Leia seems to be enjoying kissing this guy way too much while Han is frozen in carbonite.  Next would be in the Glove of Darth Vader series, when Leia is nearly forced to marry Trioculus.  Granted, some of these were more forced situations rather than her making the decision.  And lastly of course is Prince Isolder, in everyone's favorite book, the Courtship of Princess Leia.  Please let me know if I left out any potentially forced or arranged marriages, because I very well might have. 

My question here is: is this something we really believe Leia would do?  I was wondering about this given the plot of the latest comic book.  At the moment we actually don't know how it all turns out as the issue doesn't hit stands until March. 

What do I think?  Well, part of me thinks it depends on timing.  Another part of me thinks the answer might be the same no matter what, but I think that's where the fun debate comes in.  If we're talking COPL time frame, I don't see it for a second.  She's in love.  The Empire is defeated.  She has hopes of a great future with a man she loves and I just don't see her compromising that for anyone. 

But what about not long after ANH?  I mean, her planet is gone.  She has no family anymore.  She's probably feeling pretty dejected and has no real hope for a personal future.  Fighting for the "greater good" and all of that.  At that point I bet she'd be willing to personally sacrifice a lot more than she would later.  So, maybe it's not outside of the realm of possibility that she might accept a deal like that for the sake of the Rebellion.  I can't really decide.

Of course, that said, the entire concept is really, really creepy to me.  It's borderline prostitution, isn't it?  I'm not sure I really even see the other officers at the Rebellion pushing her into something like that.  But... I don't know, she could've been in a pretty dark place at the time.  Although, again, I'm not sure I've ever seen a deal they set up that would be worth marrying off the last princess of Alderaan.  For what, some supplies?  Some ships?  I don't know.

You will never convince me that she would've accepted the Isolder deal.  They weren't even at war anymore.  She was in love with someone else.  It wouldn't just be insulting to her, but to Han.  But at another time....  I think it could possibly be argued either way.  What do you think?