Joint Story: The Sequel - Chapter 25

He could feel her warm breath against his shoulder, heat radiating from her body beneath him.  Having wanted this for so long it was difficult to comprehend what had just happened, and it had been even better than he imagined it could be.  After a few moments of just wanting to remain within her forever, he lifted his head and looked down at the beautiful face looking back at him. 

Her brown eyes reflected the awe and love he was feeling, and he couldn’t help but lean down and place a few more gentle kisses against her lips.  When he finally pulled away again, her quiet voice broke the silence.  “I’m sorry.”

For a brief, terrifying moment he wondered if she had regretted what they had just shared and he wasn’t sure he could handle it if she did.  But her face and the fact that her fingers were still playing with the sweat dampened hair at the back of his neck told him that he had nothing to worry about.  “For what?”

There was the slightest hint of a smile in her lips when she replied, “For not doing this sooner.” 

His body relaxed and he let out a slight laugh and smiled as he bent down to nibble on her ear and whisper, “It’s all right.  I know exactly how you can make it up to me.”

Her body wrapped around his again pulling him tightly against her as they went about making up for lost time for the rest of the evening before finally falling into an exhausted sleep. 

When he awoke with her warm body in his arms he had to wonder if it had only been a dream until she stirred and smiled at him and kissed him good morning.  “So,” Leia began.  “What are we going to do now?”

“We still have another week of marriage counseling.”

She leaned up against her hand.  “I think I’ve had enough of marriage counseling.”

His eyebrows raised.  “Is that so?”

She nodded.  “You know, after we watched that holo, I remembered the rest of that night.”  She paused, waiting for a reaction, but not getting any before continuing.  “I remembered when we went to that room and all I wanted was to do, well, this, with you.  And then I remembered when you wrapped me up in the blanket and put me to bed.  Why did you do that?”

The pain and frustration he had felt that evening had now been completely evaporated after the previous evening, but he certainly remembered the rush of thoughts that had run through his head.  “Leia, I have wanted this with you for a long time.  But if it happened… when it happened, I needed to know that you wanted it just as much as I did.  That you wouldn’t regret it for one second, and that your head was clear and this was you making that decision.”

Her hand came up to cup his cheek and already he was thoroughly enjoying even the slightest bits of physical affection from her.  “I think this is what I really wanted all along.  I’m sorry it took me so long to admit it.”

“Just don’t deny it ever again.  I’m a patient man, but I’m not that patient.”  He reached over and felt the smoothness of her hair as he gently stroked it.  “I do love you, though.”

“I love you, too,” she said with a smile that he knew he’d never get tired of seeing.

“So, then maybe we should forget about this counseling thing and stop treating our marriage like the biggest mistake of our lives.  Go back to the Alliance, get on with our lives and just see what happens from there.”

It seemed like an extreme statement to make.  And for a moment he wondered if she would panic, but instead she smiled and leaned in close to him and whispered, “I think I’d like that,” before pulling him in for another kiss and then continuing their trend of making up for lost time. 

When their need for food and showers became too overwhelming to bear, they finally left the sanctuary of the captain’s quarters and decided to go break the news to the counseling group.  For the first time since they’d been on that planet they walked hand in hand, smiling and laughing as they went.  Why had they waited so long to do this? 

The day’s session had already been underway for more than an hour, and when the couple entered the room they were greeted with a knowing smile from Ava along with a few similar ones from other members of the group.  One notable exception was Lohree, who was looking at Leia like she was trying to strike her dead by sheer force of will.  Han gripped Leia’s hand a little tighter. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Solo,” Ava said.  “So good of you to join us.”

“Actually,” Han said, “we came to say that we won’t be joining you.”

“Is that so?” Ava asked, but Han could tell she knew exactly where this was going.

Han nodded and said, “We completed our special assignment, and it turns out you were right.  We’re going to give this marriage thing another shot.”

“I’m so happy to hear it,” she replied.  “I am glad any time a couple from my group has a change of heart.  I had a good feeling about you two.”

“I’m starting to see that, too,” Leia said as she looked up and smiled at Han.

“Well, you need nothing further from me.  You are free to go.  And I sincerely hope that I never see you again,” she said with a smile as she reached out to shake both of their hands.

“Same here,” Han said and then pulled Leia along with him out the door.

“That was fun,” she said as soon as they were alone again in the hallway.  “Can you give me a second?  I just need to go use the ‘fresher.”

Han nodded as she disappeared around the corner. 

It didn’t take long for him to hear another female voice behind him.  “Hey,” she said, and Han turned to see a disappointed looking Lohree looking up at him.

“Hey, yourself,” Han replied, suddenly incredibly grateful for walking out on that woman the previous night.

“What happened?  Your wife would barely look at you before.  You can’t possibly believe that things are going to be any different.”

“Actually I’m pretty sure they’re going to be a lot different.  You don’t know her like I do.”

“I know what I see.”

“So do I,” Han said, this time not talking about his own marriage.  “Look, I know you and your husband are miserable but we’re different.”

“No you’re not.  You’re just like the rest of us.  Your wife is going to go right back to being cold and distant.  You have no idea what you’re missing with me.”

Before Han could respond he heard a familiar voice behind him.  “I think you need to step away from my husband.”

Han turned to see Leia giving Lohree the kind of icy glare she’d have given him not so long ago.  It was almost humorous to see Leia acting jealous over him, and he decided it would be fun to see what she was going to say.  

She slid up against his side and took his arm, ensuring that both women knew who he was really with. 

“Maybe you should let him decide,” Lohree said and both women looked up to Han.

Han simply put his arm around Leia’s shoulders and pulled her even closer.  Lohree’s skin became visibly redder. 

“You know she won’t keep you satisfied.”

Before Han could protest, Leia stepped forward and stated simply and clearly, “You, of all people, have no right to say anything about anyone’s marriage.  Anyone who knew you for ten minutes would know exactly why you married your husband, and I’m sorry that you’re so unhappy, but that’s your own fault.  And I intend to keep him completely satisfied.”

To illustrate her point definitively, Leia turned and pulled Han down into a deep, long kiss.  He complied without objection, pulling her body flush against his and feeling her hands gripping at his hair.  If this was what it was going to be like to be happily married to Leia, he wasn’t going to complain. 

Somewhere in the midst of the kiss Han could hear Lohree indignantly stomping back into the room, but he and Leia had forgotten where they even were.  Eventually Leia finally pulled away and Han kept her close when he said, “You sure told her.”

Leia simply laughed.  “I guess we need to go back and explain to Chewie.  And then we need to get back to the Alliance.”

“You know, they’re not expecting us for another week.  And I know this hotel room we spent a night in but didn’t get to spend our wedding night properly.”

Her eyes lit up.  “If we’re not careful I think we might hurt ourselves with all of this making up for lost time.”

“I’m willing to take that risk.  Now let’s go, Mrs. Solo.”

She smiled and wrapped her arms around him as they walked off.

Joint Story: The Sequel - Chapter 24

Zyra and I found this photo on our last Star Wars image search 

and we both found it completely hilarious.

On another note:  I've debated on how to handle this chapter and had some pretty good (and devious ideas) but I went with as I had written it a few weeks ago.  Hope you guys enjoy.)

Joint Story:  The Sequel - Chapter 24

There was so many things Leia wanted to say.  Watching that holo of their wedding had...affected her.  She longed to be the person she had seen on that film.  Like a young girl wishing to emulate a famous actress in an award-winning play, it was a dream to strive for but something that felt grossly unattainable.  Could she ever kiss Han like that?  Would he ever say those kinds of words to her while in a sober mind?  She may never know.  She had ruined it.  Everything she had said the night before was coming back to haunt her, every word a hard slap in the face from the emptiness of their meaning to the devastating affect they had had on Han.  He was gone again.  Unable to locate him after he left the class, she had returned to the Falcon alone.


She went through the routine of the evening by herself, every second, every movement spent in anticipation of his arrival. By the time she had showered and slipped on her sleeping clothes, she had given up any hope of seeing him.  She climbed into her - his - bunk.  Excitement, guilt and anxiety was slowly turning into hurt, anger and apathy.  This was why she hadn't wanted to succumb to him, this-

Her vicious thoughts were cut off by the sound of the Falcon's ramp lowering followed by the sound of quiet footfalls pacing across the interior of the ship.  Her heart had leaped into her throat and she held her breath as she tried to get some bearings as to where he might be.  She heard the clinking of glasses and the banging of cabinet doors. He was in the galley.  What to do now, she wondered.  Her anger, the hurt of the loneliness he had left her in had vanished, like some fair-weathered friend in a dense storm.  The only thing left was guilt, her regret and it clung to her in silent resignation willing her to finally give in to that what she had been hopelessly fighting all this time.

She climbed out of bed and headed toward the galley, not even bothering with a robe.  When she came around the corner she spotted him.  He stood in profile to her, he was facing the cabinet and sipping on his drink.  He did not turn to greet her, though it was obvious that he knew she was there.  He smelled like a cantina and something flashed through her as she imagined what he might've been doing while she had sat here and stewed waiting for him.  But it was not anger, it was a possessive jealousy that spurred her on even more.  She wanted to be the one that he ran to when he ran away from all else.  She no longer wanted to be his pain, to provide it like spoiled food to a starving man knowing that he was helpless to refuse it.  She took one more step so that she was in the galley.   

"Han, I'm sorry."

He didn't turned to look at her, he didn't even acknowledge her at all as he poured more whiskey into his glass.

She continued, "I'm sorry for what I said last night.  I'm sorry for whatever torture I've put you through, I didn't mean to.  Honestly, I don't know who that person was in that holorecording.  I wish I could meet her.  I can see why you...loved her.  But that isn't me.  That isn't the me that fate has allowed."  She paused, then added, "I think it's the me that could've been, if everything..." Had turned out differently, she said to herself.

He didn't say anything.  His gaze remained trained on his glass of whiskey on the counter.  Hedid not drink from it, opting to stare at the amber fluid and perhaps get his inebriation vicariously through quiet study.  She got the feeling that he had given up on her and something deep within her, low down at the floor of her belly twisted at the thought.  Why had she been pushing this man away, he that was the only one to bring that part of her forth?  That girl in the holo all full of life, energy and happiness.  That girl that didn't even have the right to exist anymore, that part of her that Leia had sequestered away in the corner of her being like a disobedient child.  It had not felt right to feel such joy, except...

"Han."  Her voice was a desperate whisper, it reached out to him just the same as if she had physically grabbed for him.  He showed no reaction, not even a flinch and the implications of that demonstration of willpower tore through her like a blaster bolt. "Han, can't we go back?  Can we erase what I said last night?  I don't think I meant it.  I mean, I know now that I was lying to myself.  Please."  She wanted him to turn to her, to take her in his arms and do what he pleased with her - with his hands, his lips with every fiber of his being.  But his only response was to take a sip of his drink. 

Whether he was tired, or angry or just plain in the mood to toy with her, she could tell that he was content on making her work for it - for him.  Perhaps, at this juncture, that was his right. She swallowed.  Leia Organa had never wanted to work so hard for something in her entire life.  But for all her training, for all her natural inclinations to do with ease that which others held as impossible, this was something she did not feel so sure about.  This was an occupation she had not spent any time considering or studying.  The art of seduction.  Perhaps that's why it took a drug and a drunken night for her to get Han Solo into her bed.  Surely anything else that she had wanted so badly would've been conquered by now.  But not him.  He was the one thing that had not come easily to her, would not come easily for her.  And for all of his complaints and claims that he sat waiting as some jilted lover on the banks of of a river of rebuff and denial, he seemed just as unsure of the delicate path forward as she was.

His hand moved upward for him to take another drink and she grabbed his wrist, stopping him.  He finally (finally!) turned to look upon her.  His eyes were calm, serene, accepting, as someone who has been promised over and over some rich reward yet has come to accept that reward would never come.  She took the glass from his hand and placed it on the counter and took a step toward him so that one breath closer and she would be in his arms.  Drink me, taste me is what she tried to convey as she positioned herself between him and the whiskey.  His arms did not encircle her but a hint of curiosity - and perhaps hope - brushed across his features.  She concentrated on that emotion, that flicker of something that contradicted his solemn facade.

She ran an unsure hand up his chest, settled a moment on his neck, stroking the soft flesh there before she ended up cupping his cheek.  The gesture felt right, gentle and loving with a hint of reverence, reverence toward something that she held a deep desire to cherish and to own.  He closed his eyes and brought his hand up to cover hers.  Twisting his face he planted his lips on the palm of her hand and kissed it.  The innocent gesture sent an electric thrill winding down her core and ending up with a warm flare in the center of her body.  She grabbed his face with both hands, while in her mind's eye she saw herself do similar in the holo and she closed her eyes and watched it play out once again.  Then, in perfect imitation, all gentleness gone from her touch, she brought his mouth down to meet hers violently releasing every pent up sliver of passion that she had worked for so long to avoid.

His reaction was immediate as if they had choreographed the move years ago.  She was in his arms, the length of their bodies pressing tightly against each other.  She could feel every vein pulsing beneath his skin, his need pressed against her belly, his mouth invading her with desire and pleasure and overwhelming her senses to the point of collapse.  Surprised by the intensity of it, of her actions and his reactions, she drew back.  He misread her, she could tell by the look on his face, a look she swore she would never be the cause of again.  "No," she said, placing her hands on the sides of his face.  "I just...need a breath."

His face relaxed, his lips pressed together tightly as he looked down at her.  "I love you, Leia," he said. 

They were his first words to her that evening and the only words that she wanted so desperately to hear.  But he had said them as one states an ultimatum.  He said them as if drawing a line in the sand between the past and wherever they were to move forward.  She had never seen him so serious.  She had never been more frightened in her entire life.  For him it was a line in the sand, for her it was jumping into some unknown chasm that promised everything yet could be nothing at all.  Then, in one quiet moment, like that little girl she remembered on vacation in the mountains of Aldera as she followed her father off a high-dive cliff, she closed her eyes, held her breath...and jumped.

"I love you, too," she replied as her eyes opened.  Her hands were still on the sides of his face and he took each one in turn and kissed her open palms.  His smile was so innocent, so radiant that she thought she could see the reflection of it on his face, doubling its effect.  She smiled back and that was all that he had needed, the only signal of which he was waiting to proceed.

He drew her up against him once more, earnestly and possessively.  The counter of the small galley was at her back and as their kiss deepened he picked her up and sat her on the counter, settling between her knees as he knocked the whiskey out of the way.  From this new vantage point she was eye level with him and she doubled her arms around his neck and pressed her body against his.  He groaned, the tortured groan of which she had never heard the likes of before but somehow inherently knew its meaning.  The ache inside of her blossomed in response as he ran his hands up the sides of her thighs.

His hands continued up and under her night shorts and panties sliding behind her to cup the cold, soft flesh there and urging her forward, thrusting himself against her in demonstration of his need, his intent, his only desire.  She grunted in response, her thigh muscles like liquid compliantly spreading to accommodate his form.  His mouth left her lips, allowing the sounds of her desire to escape freely as he assaulted her neck and his hands moved to ghost up beneath her shirt and find her breasts.  She clutched him, clutched his head to her breasts and moaned.  He pulled back, picked her up, her legs wrapping around his torso as they kissed fiercely like the young lovers they now were and he carried her, very deliberately, to the Captain's Quarters.  He set her on the bed so that she was standing on the mattress before him.  Once again, more slowly this time, tortuously slow, he assaulted her breasts now at his eye level, while somewhere in the back of her mind she felt her sleep shorts gliding down her hips until she was stepping out of them, doing whatever it was that was necessary for him to do more.  He moved down her belly and below with his mouth, pressing his moist lips against the thin fabric of her panties.  He remained there, the heat of his breath sending a hot thrill of pleasure up her body and rushing through her brain like a cool breeze.  She ran her fingers through his hair, absently thinking that it would hurt if she fell from here as her knees wobbled unsteadily beneath her. 

"Han," she said breathlessly.

He worked his way back up her body, his lips blazing a trail that his fingers eagerly followed.  "Yes," he whispered back as he kissed and sucked at her neck.

She tilted her head, granting him full access to that part of her body that he wanted to conquer now.  She moved her legs, holding on to him as she stepped down off of the bed.  "I want-"  She started, now looking up at him.  She wanted to undress him, pleasure him, and own him as he was doing to her.  But she had no idea where to begin.  She was not nervous, merely overwhelmed.  It was like looking at the control panel of a starship for the very first time and not knowing which button or lever to manipulate first.

Han helped her decide by wordlessly removing his shirt.  She watched as her hands ran up the length of his torso, fanning out as they reached his chest.  Han sucked in a ragged breath in reaction to her innocent touch.  She was really doing this, it was still an incredible reality that she found hard to accept.  When she heard the clasp of his trousers click open and the distinct sound of a zipper traveling southward, she decided it was all very real indeed.  Her hands had made their way to his neck and she drew him down for another searing kiss.  When they parted his posture straightened and he ran his thumb over her swollen lower lip.

His trousers were still open, hanging on his hips.  He held her gaze as she took her hands and slid them down his body, taking the loose fabric along with them.  When she straightened back up, he stepped out of the puddle of material beneath him and she realized vaguely what they were about to do, what was about to happen.  Of course she had known where this course was taking them, physically, but only now did she think of it as something else.  She had never done this before, she would be giving him that.  And without having done it before, it was a blind gift, a blank check.  What if it was for more than she could cover - emotionally?  What would this mean when they returned to the Alliance?  Would they be a couple?

"Hey, you still with me?"  He asked, looking down at her.  In his face she could tell that he had sensed the change in her mood. 

"Yes, I...I don't know," she answered honestly.

"Do you want to stop?"

Did she?  No matter the consequences, no matter what the future held, she knew with certainty that she did not.  She shook her head.  "No," she said confidently.

He hesitated no further as he went about undressing her and what he did with his hands - his mouth - she had never thought possible to share such a thing with another.  It was right that she had fought this, she decided, that she had at least approached it with some cautious trepidation,  for it was more than an act of a man and a woman succumbing to the very basest of desires, it was opening herself up to another in a way that made the embarrassment of her mere naked body a silly, schoolgirl concern.  This was more than the exposure of naked flesh, so much more.  Her body was his, he laid claim to it in every way that he desired, bringing forth a pleasure that she had never imagined possible, leaving her with wanting only one thing in the entire universe - more. 

He climbed back up her body as her muscles quivered with the aftershocks of what he had just done.  She bent her knees and held him cradled against her as he gently kissed her mouth.  This was the moment that she would give herself to him in the most intimate way possible.  She could feel him ready and waiting pressing against her as he kissed her.  Never before had she felt so vulnerable yet so safe in all of her life.  He slid his hand down between them and glided himself against her, teasing at her entrance.  Her hips pushed up against him, her body aching for some fulfillment that she mentally held some vague notion of but couldn't quite understand.  How could she want something with such certainty, such clarity of thought and desire, when it was something she had never experienced before?  It was if her entire insides ached to be pressed outward by his fulfillment of her. 

And then he was there, pressing himself into her slowly, in answer to her unspoken need and the pain she felt was reflected on his features as he pulled back to look at her.  He dropped his head down to rest in the crook of her neck and he groaned against her skin as he moved to fully enter her.  Her fingernails wrenched against the soft skin of his back as she fought through the exquisite agony that slowly dissipated into a nebulous bud of promised pleasure.  His hips moved against her as the slick skin between them aided the motion's ease.

She breathed out in wordless sounds of surprise, enjoyment and earnest encouragement, her own hips moving in time with the rhythm and pace that he was setting.  She felt something twisting and growing inside of her, some pressured buildup of release that had her begging him not to stop.  He groaned in response to her pleas, driving himself deeper inside of her, loosing all rhythm or pace and letting go to some other kind of movement that drove them both toward that same desire for release.  When she cried out at the moment she had attained it, he shuddered deeply in response.  His hips answered with several erratic thrusts and then they were still, save the ragged breaths brought on by their shared exhaustion.

Joint Story: The Sequel - Chapter 23

Once inside the darkened establishment, Han’s nostrils were filled with the aroma of a hundred different alcoholic concoctions and dozens of different species who had all stopped by for any number of reasons.  Some might be taking a little break on their way home from work, others could be celebrating.  Even more common were the ones who had stopped by to drink away their sorrows. 

He wasn’t quite sure what he was doing there.  He had a woman on his arm who seemed quite thrilled to be with him, and it made him recall that there was a time when that wasn’t an unusual occurrence.  It wasn’t so long ago that he was living a very different life, and he constantly wondered whether or not he actually missed it. 

There had been so much freedom in being his own boss and taking jobs when it was convenient.  Sure, he still had to work for a living, but he wasn’t answering to Rebel officers and certainly not to stuck-up, self important princesses who seemed to take great joy in judging his every move.  Who did she think she was?  At this point he was starting to wonder if she’d ruined his life. 

“Hey,” he heard from next to him, looking down to see Lohree staring up at him with eyes like she’d just won some sort of contest.  “Should we get something to drink?”  Her sentence was punctuated with a hand that slid down his back and then a little lower and he tried to remember when the last time was that anyone had touched him like that.  He knew it wouldn’t take much effort to have her doing whatever he wanted. 

“Sure,” he replied.  “Why don’t you go grab us something and I’ll look for a table. 

She smiled and slinked off, running her hand along his body as she disappeared toward the crowded bar.  He had hardly even been able to hear her over the loud music.  Why was it always so damn loud?  Once he found a table and seated himself, his eyes scanned the room.  There were happy beings, angry ones, and many somewhere in between.  It was the kind of scene he’d witnessed on dozens of planets in between hundreds of smuggling runs.  He even saw a few men who looked like pilots similar to himself not so long ago. 

He had some fond memories of that life.  But all of that freedom had come at the price of never having much of a home of his own.  Chewie was the only one he could count on.  Running his fingers through his hair, he shut his eyes and pictured Leia looking up at him with those brown eyes and telling him that she loved him.  Han knew she wasn’t lying.  If anything, all that time she had fought so hard against him she had only been lying to herself.  They may have been at war now, but there was still hope for a future and a life together.  Was any of it worth it without that? 

He didn’t want his old life back.  He had managed to convince himself once that it was what he really wanted, but he didn’t think he’d be able to stand it anymore.  Seeing the holo of their wedding has unlocked the last of the missing memories of that evening for him.  All of it had come back: how she looked, how she smelled, the feel of her warm body pressed against his, and the sweet taste of her mouth when they'd kissed so passionately.  He remembered telling her that he loved her, and meaning every word, and he couldn't erase the memory of the look on her face when he'd said it.  There was simply no more denying it.

“There you are,” he heard a familiar voice say as he looked up to find Lohree scooting into the booth next to him and handing him a drink. 

Every bit of her that could be touching him was, and he was again remembering how much he’d missed having a woman’s touch.  If only this wasn’t the wrong woman…

He took a sip of his drink, cringing when the overly sweet flavor hit his lips and he remembered that he hadn’t told her what he wanted.  “What’s this?” 

“Marlberry twister,” Lohree said.  “It’s my favorite so I thought you might like it.”

Han briefly wondered what his old smuggling buddies would’ve said if they’d caught him with such a girlie drink in front of him.  Although having a girl to go with it might have helped to shut them up.  Then he thought of this woman’s poor, hapless husband who was so obviously being used for his money.  Was this really the kind of woman he wanted to spend even one night with? 

He felt her hand on his thigh, her fingers trailing lightly as she continued to look at him adoringly.  He could probably be with her somewhere private in less than ten minutes…

I love you, Han Solo.

The words echoed in his mind; Leia’s husky voice etching them into his memory for all eternity.  He realized how much he longer to hear her say them again.  How much he wanted to kiss her again.  How much he wanted to wake up next to her tomorrow and every day after that…

He slammed his fist down on the table and causing Lohree jump in the seat next to him.  His hand came to rest over his eyes as he was overwhelmed with a combination of frustration and anger and love toward that petite brunette who was causing him so much heartache. 

Gods, damn it! 

He had to know.  For sure this time.  He wasn’t going to let her run away.  There was nothing more he’d do here tonight without knowing with complete certainty where he stood with her and what she was willing to do with it.  And truth be told, Lohree would always be there tomorrow if Leia shut him out again. 

“What’s wrong?” the woman next to him asked. 

You’re not her, he wanted to say, but instead replied, “I’m sorry, I have to go.” 

“But, what about…?” she began but he cut her off.

“I need to talk to my wife first,” he said before tossing some credits on the table for the drink and walking out of the cantina and back to the Falcon. 

Joint Story - Chapter 22

Joint Story - Chapter 22

Han turned a corner down the streets of Azterri and slowed his pace.  He had felt like running out of that room and for all he knew, maybe he did.  Looking around, he had no idea where he was and no inclination whatsoever to care anymore.  It was a cruel reflection of how he felt about life at that moment.  Watching that video had brought with it a certain amount of clarity that he was having trouble digesting.  These past few days with Leia had been rough.  He had continued, inexplicably, flirting with thoughts that maybe there could be something between them, that they actually had something to salvage like one of those other couples.  Inexplicably - until today.  He knew now after watching that holovid why it was so hard to let go of the feeling that there was something to save, something worth fighting for.  The way they were that night, the things he felt and said and did - they weren't just worth fighting for, they were everything.

He ran his hands through his hair and stopped, leaning against the side of a small building.  The streets leading away from the counseling session had been deserted, but they were becoming more crowded now.  Across the way he could see people dining in a large window and a few doors down from that he heard the sounds of live music and laughter.  It had been a long time since he had lived a normal life, since he had enjoyed the small pleasures of quaint dinners and seedy barrooms.  He missed that life, missed it at that moment more than ever.  Trying to make a life in the Rebellion had been one thing but trying to figure out Leia Organa - it had become unbearable.  He could not forget the words she had said to him that night before.  He was not an ignorant man, he didn't chase after things that were clearly unattainable.  He was a gambler, he liked to take risks, but not on the impossible.

"Han?"

He heard a voice call his name and he jerked up and away from the building to stand up straight.  He looked over to where the voice had come from and found Lohree staring up at him, a look of concern on her face.  Looking around for a moment, he realized that he hadn't made that many turns since leaving the counseling session and that it probably hadn't been that hard to follow him.  He cursed the last bit of hope that died inside of him as he looked passed Lohree to see if Leia was perhaps coming up from behind her.  He looked down to Lohree as she stood waiting for him to acknowledge her.  "Hey," he said, trying to curl his lips up into a smile that refused to come.  "What are you doing here?"

"Following you," she said.  "I saw you leave and..."  She stopped, her cheeks blushing red.  It reminded Han of Leia but not because it was similar to Leia but because Lohree's blush was different - it was not innocent.  "Well, I thought you might need someone to talk to," she added.

"I'm fine," he replied sharply.

"Oh, you don't have to be so stoic," she said, a strange humor in her tone.  "You and I both know what's going on here."

He pulled his eyebrows down toward his nose.  "What are you talking about?"

"I'm not stupid and if I'm any judge of character, neither are you or your wife."

He did not like Lohree talking about Leia and an angry heat rose inside of him.  It was a mixture of the protectiveness that he had always felt regarding his Princess but then something else, something entirely new, a raw raging apocalyptic fury that spawned from knowing that she didn't want to be his anything and never would.  "What's your point?"  Han said through gritted teeth.

"You want her," Lohree said the words slowly and deliberately as a torturer might deliver his killing blows.  "But she clearly doesn't want you."  She paused a moment to let Han absorb the fact and give him ample opportunity to argue. 

He remained silent. 

"But I do," Lohree said quietly, taking a step closer to Han.  "Want you."

Han stood there looking down at her dumbfounded.  It was not as if he had never been openly propositioned before but he had never found himself as conflicted as he did right then.  He was still far too angry to seriously consider her offer yet some part of him gnawed at him as to why.  Why not?  The voice asked contemptuously inside of him.  He refused to let her name break through to the surface of his thoughts.  She did not want nor deserve to be there any longer.  He took a deep breath and quickly glanced across the street.  Coming to some sort of a decision, any decision, seemed better than nothing at that moment.  He looked back down to Lohree and then reaching out and grabbing her bicep, he said, “C’mon.”  And then he led her across the street towards the music, the laughter and the other life that waited for him inside of that bar…

Joint Story: The Sequel - Chapter 21

Leia arrived at the meeting on time, finding Han sitting in his usual seat, arms crossed in front of him and not looking up when she took her spot next to him.  She almost wanted to apologize, but decided this wasn’t the time or place to do so, so she gave him what she expected he really wanted and instead kept her mouth shut.

“All right,” Ava began.  “Today we are going to take a look at the recordings of your wedding ceremonies.”

Leia’s eyes widened.  Perhaps this would only be used to help some of the couples.

“As some of you may not be aware given that you are off-worlders, we here on Azterri take holorecordings of all of our marriages to ensure that they are performed legally.”

Leia could tell that Han was just as surprised as she was at this revelation. 

“We’ve found that for a lot of couples it can help to be taken back to that moment when they were getting married, to see how happy they were and remember the hope that they held and be reminded that there was once a time when you were in love with that person and you can be again.”

While she was mildly curious what her “wedding” had looked like, another part of Leia was very nervous about what she might see.  She had been drugged, after all, and had no idea what she had really been acting like that night.

Ava dimmed the lights and pulled up the first video.  This exercise might not take so long.  Initially the course had begun with twelve couples, and at this point already three of them had pulled out and decided they could make things work. 

The first wedding they watched was a couple of Twi’leks that appeared to be quite amorous with each other on the recording.  From what Leia could tell though from their involvement with the group, their marriage had started to fall apart when both of them had wandering eyes and it was unclear whether one or both of them had gone off and had affairs.  It was unsettling to think that the couple she was watching, who appeared so happy with one another on their wedding day, could so soon after wind up unsatisfied. 

Next up they watched Kabe and Lohree.  These two seemed to serve as the poster children for divorce.  As Leia suspected, even on their wedding day the couple didn’t quite look right together.  Their vows seemed mechanical and their first kiss was awkward.  There seemed to be no doubt that the two wouldn’t wind up staying together.

“All right,” Ava said after finishing the recording.  “Next we have the Solos.”

Leia’s throat went dry as she wondered what she was about to witness.  Han remained completely stoic, still slouched in his seat with his arms crossed over his chest. 

The recording began with a shot of both Han and Leia, Han standing proudly with a big grin on his face, a little more dressed up than his normal outfit, and Leia suddenly remembered him wearing that on the night they’d gone out.  Hanging on his arm was a woman that looked so elated that at first Leia didn’t think it could possibly be her.  She looked genuinely happy, which was an emotion Leia couldn’t remember having felt since before Alderaan had been destroyed.  Those drugs must’ve had some effect because she knew she wasn’t that good of an actress.

She could see a minister in front of them, a soft-spoken older gentleman who she presumed was about to perform the ceremony.  It seemed incredibly unfair to her that regardless of whether or not she had consciously decided to get married that she was left watching it happen without having any memory of it.  The older man spoke to them, the couple still both wearing the kinds of smiles you’d expect a loving couple to show when they were about to marry the love of their life.  “Have you come here of your own free will?” he asked. 

On the holo Han and Leia looked at each other and said simultaneously, “Yes,” with smiles still on their faces.  Free will?  Where was the drug test? 

The minister read off some more words about the sanctity of marriage and the importance of remaining faithful and a lot of other stuff that Leia now watching really had no interest in hearing about.  It was all just a façade.  The words meant nothing because the people involved were not, in fact, operating under their own free will.  Although she was becoming increasingly distracted by the way she and Han were acting on the holo.  Han looked beyond elated at the whole exchange.  She had been so used to teasing half-smirks from him that she wasn’t used to seeing a full-on smile that wouldn’t quit simply beaming across his face.

She remained pressed up against his side, and she noted that she looked quite nice in the dress she’d worn that night.  It was rare that she got to wear such things, mostly always dressed for battle and in case a quick escape was needed.  If she didn’t know any better she’d think they at least looked like a happy and adorable couple.  Like him or not, she had to admit that the Corellian was incredibly nice to look at.    

Once the minister’s monologue was done, Leia realized he was giving them their vows.  They had turned to face one another, hands joined and staring adoringly into each other’s eyes.  The exchange was completely surreal.  Watching her own face, hearing her own voice say those words it was as though it was some sort of Leia-clone imposter.  Although she was mostly focused on the way Han was looking at her, and hearing him say all of those words about love and eternal bonds.  For some reason it was almost painful thinking that he had truly looked at her like that and pledged his undying devotion to her.  She kept repeating to herself in her head that it was only the drugs.  This wasn’t real.  He would never love her like that. 

Then she was struck with her own words and how foreign they sounded coming out of her mouth.  She was fighting to hold back the tears, angry that what was supposed to be such a joyous occasion was all such a sham.  And having convinced herself that she would never know a love like she and Han were professing to each other on the holo.  She couldn’t.  And surely he hadn’t meant any of what he’d said. 

“I now pronounce you husband and wife,” she heard the minister say on the holo.  “You may now kiss the bride.”

Leia saw her own image enthusiastically pull Han’s head down to hers to share in a passionate kiss.  She had no conscious memory of ever kissing anyone quite like that.  And suddenly she found herself so torn from wondering who those two people were to wishing it was all real.  What was it like to feel that way about someone?  What was it like to have them feel that way about her?  But surely he didn’t really feel that way.  And for him, kissing a woman like that was a common occurrence. 

Out of the corner of her eye she could see that Han still hadn’t moved as he sat next to her.  His eyes were staring coldly at the image.  After far too long the newly married couple finished their kiss and were still smiling at one another.  And while the ceremony was officially over, she heard Han say to her, “I’ve been in love with you since the day I met you.”

“You’re such a liar,” Leia said playfully, still with a big smile.

Han’s face grew serious, and his hands slipped behind her back to pull her in close.  Shaking his head, he replied, “No, I’m serious.  I was then, and am now, completely in love with you.”

Leia suspected her face now matched her reaction on the holo; surprise and awe.  Would a drug really make someone say something like that?  On the holo she heard herself say, “I love you, Han Solo.”  And then she kissed him again, with more fiery passion that she was starting to suspect had led them to the bedroom where they’d found themselves the next morning.  After a few moments, the minister interrupted them.  “I’m sorry, kids, but I have another ceremony to perform now. 

Slightly embarrassed, Han and Leia laughed and thanked the man and walked off, hand in hand, and the recording cut off.  Han heaved a sigh next to her, still staring directly forward. 

“Aw, that was incredibly sweet,” she heard one of the women behind her exclaim.  “You two were absolutely crazy about each other.  What happened?”

Leia could feel her face heating up, having no idea what to say at that point.  Fortunately, Ava answered before she could.  “Don’t worry, you don’t need to answer that.  At least not to any of us.  It might do you some good to try and answer it between the two of you, though.”  She gave them a soft and knowing smile and then moved to start the next recording. 

In the dim light of the room, Leia glanced at Han once again, wondering what he was thinking after seeing their exchange of vows.  Now she was feeling even more desperate to remember what else had happened the rest of the night.  And then she found herself wondering what it would’ve been like to marry him and then take him back to their room to enjoy their wedding night. 

Stop it.  Nothing happened.  And nothing can ever happen.  None of that meant anything.

She was suddenly feeling very unsure of what was real anymore.

Once the next video started, Han got up to leave the room.  She turned to watch him go, wanting to follow but being afraid of what she might say or do.  But a moment after he was gone, his lingering scent hit her.  She had never given much thought to how he smelled… unless for some reason the odor was particularly unpleasant, like after a prolonged mission without a shower or some strenuous and sweaty working on the Falcon. 

But now, when the smell of the combination of his soap and aftershave hit her nostrils, she shut her eyes and was able to see him looking down at her, wearing what she had just seen him wearing in that holo, smiling at her and telling her that he loved her. 

A few other flashes hit her, and she found herself staring directly into his hazel eyes and feeling the love for him she had declared on that night.  Letting herself feel, and telling him all of the emotions she had been keeping inside, and remembering how good it felt to have him say the words back to her. 

She had truly believed what she was saying.  She felt free to express everything she’d kept buried for so long and had forgotten what it was like to openly say that she loved someone.  And then she got a flash of another memory of smelling his skin when she kissed him in that bedroom that she had only previously recalled from the morning after.  It was completely surreal to her to recall the way she had behaved and at the same time it felt completely natural.  She’d wanted him in a way she had never wanted anyone, and he appeared to want all of the same things.

Her heart beat faster when she recalled taking off her dress and watching his eyes rake over her body.  Had something happened that night that he hadn’t told her?  And then she remembered when he threw the blanket around her and tucked her into bed.  He hadn’t taken advantage of her.  Based on the look on his face it had nothing to do with him not wanting to. 

Suddenly she was overwhelmed not just with the images from the evening but with the memory of everything she had felt for Han that night.  It was dawning on her that she had felt that way for a long time, and still now wanted nothing more than for everything that had happened that night.  And to have Han look at her that way every day. 

Wondering if he would even be able to look at her now after everything she had put him through, she got up and decided she needed to see him.  Even if she had no idea what she was going to say.