Friday, July 15, 2011

Ten Small Things that Would've Changed the Original Trilogy Drastically...

Well, to build off of what Zyra started with her "Top Ten" listing.  Here's another one.  How many little things could have gone differently that would have changed the entire trilogy?  Here are some ideas:

#10 - Uncle Owen had no need for a protocol droid and just thought Threepio was annoying.
OWEN:  "Etiquette and protocol?  What do I look like?  The Princess of Alderaan?"

#9 - Instead of "scheduling" Leia to be terminated, they just freakin' went down there and shot her right away! 
STORM TROOPER TK421:  "I'm a Storm Trooper and I'm here to execute you."

#8 - The stormtrooper utility belt didn't conveniently have that grappling hook thing so Luke and Leia could swing to the other side of the chasm
LEIA: "Quick, we've got to get across. Find the control that extends the bridge." 
LUKE: "Oh, I think I just blasted it." 
LEIA:  "What the f@#?!"  And then she punches him and shoves him over the edge...

#7 - Luke's lightsaber training on the Falcon went really, horribly wrong. 
HAN: "Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."
Luke sees red, slashes furiously at Han, chopping him into little pieces.
LUKE: "You believe in the Force now, smartass?"
BEN: "Oh, yes.  You are definitely your father's son..."

#6 - That guy in the Star Destroyer shot the escape pod that had R2 and 3PO in it.
CHIEF PILOT: "There goes another one."
CAPTAIN: "Shoot the sh#$ out of it.  I'm not getting force-choked over something so simple."

#5 - The Death Star didn't bother orbiting around Yavin to get to its moon, it blew it up and then Yavin IV right after that.
DEATH STAR INTERCOM VOICE: "We are approaching the planet Yavin. The Rebel base is on a moon on the far side. We are preparing to orbit the planet."
VADER:  "Orbit the f#$#ing planet?  What the f$#@?  Just destroy the planet and destroy the moon!"

#4 -  Remember that huge fleet of stormtroopers Han found himself face to face with while they were trying to escape the Death Star?  They blasted him to pieces.
HAN: (to Luke and Leia) "Get back to the ship!"
LUKE: "Where are you going? Come back!"
Han has already rounded a corner and gets shot to death.
LEIA: "He certainly had courage."
LUKE: "What good did it do us?  He got himself killed!  And now I have to fly that piece of crap ship of his!  Come on!"

#3 - Greedo shot first...and didn't miss.
HAN: "Over my dead body."
GREEDO: "That's the idea. I've been looking forward to killing you for a long time."
Greedo shoots and Han falls face first on the table...

#2 - Leia got her head blown off when she tried to fire at the stormtroopers after blowing a hole in the garbage chute. 
HAN: "What the hell are you doing?"
LEIA: "Somebody has to save our skins. Into the garbage chute, flyboy!"
Leia attempts to cross the corridor and gets blown to bits.
HAN: "Damn.  There goes my reward." 

#1 - Han was busy with a hooker when Luke and Obi Wan went to the Cantina.  
CHEWIE:  (banging on the door)  "Come out here!  I got us a real sweet deal!  These guys are desperate.  They could really save your neck!"
HAN:  "I'm a little busy, furball.  Come back later."


  1. I think I especially like Leia's reaction after Luke blasts the bridge controls :) And Uncle Owen's response to the protocol droid.

    Jabba also could've taken Han out before he got to take Luke and Obi-Wan off-planet. You know, Han may not be integral to the whole story arc, but without him, everybody else would've died.

  2. "You know, Han may not be integral to the whole story arc, but without him, everybody else would've died."

    I've been trying to tell everyone that for a while now.

    Relating to this post, you should look at this: