Friday, July 15, 2011
Ten Small Things that Would've Changed the Original Trilogy Drastically...
#10 - Uncle Owen had no need for a protocol droid and just thought Threepio was annoying.
OWEN: "Etiquette and protocol? What do I look like? The Princess of Alderaan?"
#9 - Instead of "scheduling" Leia to be terminated, they just freakin' went down there and shot her right away!
STORM TROOPER TK421: "I'm a Storm Trooper and I'm here to execute you."
#8 - The stormtrooper utility belt didn't conveniently have that grappling hook thing so Luke and Leia could swing to the other side of the chasm.
LEIA: "Quick, we've got to get across. Find the control that extends the bridge."
LUKE: "Oh, I think I just blasted it."
LEIA: "What the f@#?!" And then she punches him and shoves him over the edge...
#7 - Luke's lightsaber training on the Falcon went really, horribly wrong.
HAN: "Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."
Luke sees red, slashes furiously at Han, chopping him into little pieces.
LUKE: "You believe in the Force now, smartass?"
BEN: "Oh, yes. You are definitely your father's son..."
#6 - That guy in the Star Destroyer shot the escape pod that had R2 and 3PO in it.
CHIEF PILOT: "There goes another one."
CAPTAIN: "Shoot the sh#$ out of it. I'm not getting force-choked over something so simple."
#5 - The Death Star didn't bother orbiting around Yavin to get to its moon, it blew it up and then Yavin IV right after that.
DEATH STAR INTERCOM VOICE: "We are approaching the planet Yavin. The Rebel base is on a moon on the far side. We are preparing to orbit the planet."
VADER: "Orbit the f#$#ing planet? What the f$#@? Just destroy the planet and destroy the moon!"
DEATH STAR INTERCOM VOICE: "Yes, sir!"
#4 - Remember that huge fleet of stormtroopers Han found himself face to face with while they were trying to escape the Death Star? They blasted him to pieces.
HAN: (to Luke and Leia) "Get back to the ship!"
LUKE: "Where are you going? Come back!"
Han has already rounded a corner and gets shot to death.
LEIA: "He certainly had courage."
LUKE: "What good did it do us? He got himself killed! And now I have to fly that piece of crap ship of his! Come on!"
#3 - Greedo shot first...and didn't miss.
HAN: "Over my dead body."
GREEDO: "That's the idea. I've been looking forward to killing you for a long time."
Greedo shoots and Han falls face first on the table...
#2 - Leia got her head blown off when she tried to fire at the stormtroopers after blowing a hole in the garbage chute.
HAN: "What the hell are you doing?"
LEIA: "Somebody has to save our skins. Into the garbage chute, flyboy!"
Leia attempts to cross the corridor and gets blown to bits.
HAN: "Damn. There goes my reward."
#1 - Han was busy with a hooker when Luke and Obi Wan went to the Cantina.
CHEWIE: (banging on the door) "Come out here! I got us a real sweet deal! These guys are desperate. They could really save your neck!"
HAN: "I'm a little busy, furball. Come back later."