Friday, July 8, 2011

Ten Inappropriate Times for Han and Leia to Consummate Their Relationship Throughout the Trilogy

(Note:  Added Links to Story Submissions that go with these Ideas)

All right, I feel as though I've been boring you to death with my latest posts, so let's just do something fun here. I'm going to list the top ten inappropriate times and places during the movies that Han and Leia could've consummated their relationship. Contemplating when Han and Leia first did it is a favorite past time of fellow fanfic fans. I finally mustered up the courage just this week to write and post my own version of their first time. But it got me to thinking of points in the movies where it would've been an incredibly bad idea for them to go at it. So, here it is. Presented in chronological order.

1. Inside the garbage masher. Just imagine: The walls are closing in on them, and these might be their last few moments to live. Leia turns to Han, "I've never been with a man before. Does that cod piece come off easily?" Han moves quickly as the walls continue to close in, Luke is screaming frantically at Threepio. Suddenly the walls stop moving, everyone cheers and Luke turns around to celebrate with his new friends. "What are you guys doing?" Han: "It's not what it looks like..."  (Link:  Submission by Lady Peter)

2. In the cockpit on the way back to Yavin. They argue over Han getting well paid and Leia decides to ask, "What kind of payment did you have in mind, Captain?" Han pulls her into his lap... and a few minutes later, once again, Luke enters. "Oh, come on!"  (Link:  Submission by TooOldForThis)

3. Behind the stage after Leia awards them their medals. Does this count as during the movie? I say yes. Leia pulls Han aside and they are chatting. She takes his medal in hand and says, "It's pretty big." Han smirks and replies, "I'll show you something else that's pretty big..." and off they go. Fortunately for Luke, he does not stumble upon them this time.

4. In the corridors on Hoth just after Han announces he's leaving.  Leia follows Han out the door and their argument ensues. He gets tired of fighting, grabs her by the wrist, pulls her back to her quarters, shuts the door and pins her to the door and kisses her. "You want something to remember me by, Princess?" She kisses him even harder...  (Link - Submission by AmaraZ)

5. Immediately after their first kiss. "I'm a nice man." "No you're not, you're-" You know what happens there, but what if instead, while he's kissing her, he immediately reaches down to undo his pants and she quickly unzips her snowsuit... "Sir! I've isolated the reverse power coupling!" "Damn it, Threepio, we're busy!"

6. In the Bespin apartment. "Then you're as good as gone, aren't you?" He stands up and starts to take off his belt. "Yeah, so we better make this one count!"

7. Inside their cell on Bespin. "You certainly have a way with people." She helps him lie back down. "You know, Han, there's a good chance we might all be dead very soon." "Well, then, we better get this in while we can..." and he pulls her on top of him.

8. Immediately after he is released from carbonite. "Someone who loves you." "Leia!" She pulls away from the kiss. "We better hurry, we don't have much time..." and she reaches to undo his pants.

9. On the Imperial shuttle on the way to Endor. They are on their way, the course set, a few hours to kill. "This mission could be pretty dangerous," Leia says. "We might not come back." Han turns and takes her hand. "Well, if we might not come back, I don't want to have to say I never had a princess before. Care to join the hypherspace club, Leia?" He pulls her into his lap and she smiles. "What's the hyperspace club?" "I'll show ya. Luke, Chewie, why don't you go back to the crew area and give us a little time to ourselves..."

10. Right after Leia tells Han that Luke is her brother. "He's my brother." They kiss and Han absorbs the information. He no longer has to fight for her affection and can have her all to himself. He kisses her again, deeper this time, and then lays her down on the forest floor and begins pulling at her clothing... poor Wicket comes over to say hi a few minutes later. He has never been the same.

So there are some interesting options there, huh? Should we hold out hope that one of these scenes might have been filmed but not in the movies and maybe they'll put it on the blu ray? Hmmm.... probably not. If anyone has any other inappropriate ideas, feel free to contribute!


  1. Hey, aren't they making a Star Wars porno? I'd put money on at least one of those scenes being in there. ;D

    How about right in front of the bunker on Endor? Actually, Han almost goes for it in the movie, so it's not that far-fetched!

  2. Star Wars porno? Is George in on that?

    Oh, good choice. I can see them in front of there, Han turns to Leia, "There's no way EWOKS are going to be able to beat stormtroopers! Let's get it on while we have the chance. Cover us, Artoo!"

  3. ESB, on Hoth in the Med Bay while Luke is floating in Bacta. Leia tells Han she doesn't know how to thank him for what he has done and Han replies, "I can think of a few different ways..." Of course, Luke awakens and well...

  4. Haha, this is hilarious, I love 8 and 10. Poor Wicket. I'm going to say the briefing in ROTJ (or de-briefing as they case could be!)

    "General, count me in."

    "You know your first orders, sweetheart..."

    "I'm with you too... Oh, Force, no I'm not!!"

  5. Wow, nobody else has anything to add, huh? I thought you guys would be all over this. Yes, the med bay is a good one, as are Leia's first orders once he's a general!

  6. I gotta admit I can't see Han passing up the chance to do it in the cockpit of the Falcon at SOME point. Inappropriate though that might be at ANY point in the original movies.

    I vote BEFORE the awards ceremony at Yavin. what was that wink all about anyway?

  7. This is an older post but thought I'd throw a couple out there. My husband says the med bay after Leia kisses Luke. There's got to be a closet around there some where. I'm sure Han won't let himself be outdone either.

    Her cell on the Death Star. Morbid, yes, but Han did ask her if she'd prefer it in her cell.

  8. Older post but thanks for chiming in. I was so disappointed when we didn't get more ideas thrown in. Glad your husband is willing to help out ;)

    Makes me think though of when they get to Bespin. Leia: "I don't like this."

    "Well, what would you like?"

    "Meet me in the cockpit and I'll show you."

  9. Ha ha! That would be good with Leia instigating things.