Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Joint Story: The Sequel. Chapter 17

It had been far too interesting of a day.  Han decided he had been delusional for thinking that they would make it through this little charade unaffected.  It was all just supposed to be some silly play acting until they could move on with their lives.  Yep, completely delusional. 

He also wondered what he was going to say when she asked him again later about what had happened that night.  There was no way she wouldn’t ask, and he was through playing games with her.  He was simply going to have to tell her.

Her question about whether or not he’d been in love had thrown him.  The truth was, he had said the words a few times.  He’d been young and stupid and it just seemed like something he was supposed to say after a certain amount of time, especially when the response from the girl was always so favorable. 

But the relationship, like all of the others, eventually ended.  And he didn’t recall being incredibly broken up over the loss.  Sure, he missed them, but he had no trouble moving on with his life.  Occasionally he thought about what it would be like to pack up the Falcon and go back to his old life, without saying much more than goodbye to Leia. 

Just the thought of never seeing her again made his stomach churn.  He didn’t understand how he could become so attached to someone who had practically made it her job to drive him crazy.  In spite of all of the arguments and her insistence that she couldn’t stand him, he realized that his heart fluttered a little every time she entered a room.  If he wasn’t with her he was thinking about her constantly, and there had been a few times since he’d known her when his fear for her safety surpassed any fear he’d ever felt. 

You love her, Solo.  You’re completely in love with that woman and you have no idea what to do about it. 

He had never been one to hold anything back, so why didn’t he just tell her? 

Perhaps it was the worry that she wouldn’t feel the same way.  But she must have, right?  Maybe it was the worry that she wouldn’t let herself feel all of those things he knew she was feeling. 

Falling in love with an incredible woman – and Leia qualified as more than that – was supposed to be a great thing.  Instead, it seemed to be ruining his life.  For a brief moment he thought about what things would be like if somehow she stopped being in denial and they just stayed married.  He could see coming home to her every day, going to bed with her every night, seeing her face light up with a smile every time she saw him, flying all over the galaxy together.  He never saw himself as the kind of man who’d want such a life, but with her, it was different.  Nothing else seemed to matter.  And yet he also felt like he might as well be fantasizing about growing fur and becoming a Wookiee.  Each scenario was equally far-fetched. 

He rolled over in his bunk, punching his pillow a bit harder than was necessary.  Why don’t you think about that blond you danced with today instead?  She wants you.  You could have her tomorrow…

He heaved out a sigh, his mind preoccupied only with thoughts he was trying not to have. 

Damn it.  She’s not Leia.


Leia was not having a much better time in her attempts to sleep.  Her head was throbbing given that she had surpassed her typical levels of alcohol consumption.  But she suspected that she wouldn’t have had an easier time sleeping even without having too much to drink. 

Her mind wandered back and forth between what had happened last night and her continued failed attempts at trying to remember what had happened on the night that had gotten them into this mess.  While spending time on this planet without the constant threat of death had been a somewhat nice change of pace, she also felt guilty for feeling like she’d abandoned the Rebellion.  That, and all of that dealing with the Empire stuff provided a welcome distraction from thinking about a certain smuggler.  And had afforded her the opportunity to spend a little bit more time away from him. 

As it was, they were spending every waking moment together.  Not so long ago the thought of spending every waking moment with Han Solo would’ve seemed like some sort of nightmare.  He riled her up just for fun and often drove her out of her mind, but at the same time, she always felt safer when she was with him.  Sure, he tended to do some things that defied common sense, but she could also tell that he would do what he needed to in order to protect her.  It was both comforting and disconcerting. 

Somewhere along the line her thoughts wandered back to the night they had been drugged.  She remembered getting dressed to go out with Han, and the appreciative glare that sparkled in his eyes when he saw her dressed in something that for once wasn’t fit for battle.  And he didn’t look so bad either.  But then, did he ever?  She remembered him offering his arm, and she only slightly hesitated before taking it.  It felt good to walk around with that handsome man with her. 

There was food, there was drinking.  What was in those drinks?  Things got hazy after that.  There were so many pieces missing.  She could see him smiling at her; she could almost feel what she had felt then and how much she wanted him.  She could almost hear herself telling him that she loved him.  Did he say it, too?  For a brief moment she thought she could recall kissing him – and not like they had done to close out their little exercise, but a real kiss – but then it was gone.

Wait, when did they get to the hotel room?  This she hadn’t remembered before.  She was practically throwing herself at him.  He was saying some things but she couldn’t make out what.  There might have been more kissing but it was all flashing by too quickly and before she knew it she had thrown off her dress and was standing in front of him almost naked.  Was that what had happened?  Had she really done that?  And had he really…. Wait, what did he do? 

She could see the conflict on his face just before he finally grabbed a blanket and wrapped her up in it.  She felt an odd mix of disappointment she had felt that night and complete relief at recalling these things now that things had not gone further.  She could feel him tucking her into bed and then the memory was gone. 

Her eyes snapped open.  Had she been dreaming or were those real memories?  She didn’t know if she’d ever be able to figure it out without Han filling in the gaps for her.  Had she really thrown herself at him like that?  And had he really consciously not taken advantage of her? 

She didn’t understand how dealing with Han had become more complicated than defeating the Empire, but it had.  And they were both going to have to figure this out because there was no way they’d make it through the coming weeks of so-called counseling if they didn’t really talk and say what was going on. 

Please don’t let me love him.  I won’t be able to handle it when he leaves.


  1. I was wondering when there might be another update. Nice! Very interesting and killing me they haven't talked yet. I liked how Han couldn't think of the other blonde. And poor Leia wishing that she didn't love him.

  2. no, Han... Don't grow fur and become a wonkier. Choose the other option!

  3. I absolutely love this story!!! And especially this chapter :) i think you have captured Han and leias personalities perfectly and their denials about the feelings they have for each other. Please update soon pretty please :)


  4. Would the words "God", "yes" and "more" (typed out repeatedly) be an appropriate response in this situation?

    What if I added a "please"... more appropriate, yet?!

  5. Still enjoying this immensely. This chapter was a wonderful insight into their true feelings that they are fighting so hard to surpress. Think you captured the inner conflict they are both experiencing perfectly.

    I particularly love Leia's thought there right at the end. Aww.

    Brilliant chapter.

  6. This story has such a great slow build to it. Enjoying every chapter!

  7. oh love love love.
    this was brilliant (well, the whole thing is awesome, but this part made me spit tea all over my desk...)

    "Falling in love with an incredible woman – and Leia qualified as more than that – was supposed to be a great thing. Instead, it seemed to be ruining his life."

    what a great feeling. Oh Han. lol

    more? please?

    Oh, and also, as a side note - I just finished reading the Fifty Shades trilogy, and I've decided the rest of the world can keep their overbearing, stupid, dramatic Christian Grey. I'll keep Han Solo. Thank you very much.

    1. OMG, how awful was 50 Shades? I read it just to see what the big deal was. It really did read like fanfic, if that's a thing. Although admittedly I've never read a romance novel so maybe they're all like that. But seriously, it's nothing special, poorly written (she needs a beta reader!) and the characters are ridiculous. There wasn't much appealing about either of them.

      Agreed, Han Solo over that idiot any day!

    2. Ana drove me so crazy. Although my favorite part was the "I make $100,000 an hour" part. right. cuz that's possible.

      And yes! beta needed like crazy. Note to author: there are more words then "Muttered" "Mumbled" and "Yelled" in the English language.

      Have you read Bared to You?
      Train wreck! OMG. I'm actually kinda excited for the last book to come out. I need to know what happens; it really can't get any worse. They actually go to couples therapy after THREE DATES!! its horrid.

  8. Thanks for the comments. I'm glad you are all enjoying the conflict being drawn out, because that is what we do with these joint stories, because neither one of us knows what's going to happen next :)

    As a side note, with the new comments thing, while it makes things easier for you, it also makes things easier for spammers. Some of these get caught by the spam filter and some don't. So if someone posts something totally irrelevant with a link attached, don't click on it. We'll delete it when we can.

    At the same time, sometimes it will mark your perfectly legitimate comments as spam. It's even done this to MY comments before. We'll fix that, too. So if your comment maybe doesn't show up right away, give it some time and we'll go in and fix it.

  9. Maybe now my comments will post... please please please (where is that big eye'd praying icon when you need it?)

    Ok Yes I have read the last three chapters and loved them all. I like that Leia is starting to remember some of her wedding night but that means she may never talk to Han about it right? Sigh. I do like Han as the misunderstood Knight Errant with respectable streak that he really wishes he didn't have.

  10. I love how this has been building up, and I'll reiterate that I'm always ecstatic when I see an update. I liked you showing both of them realizing they're both screwed (or in love ;)