Tuesday, November 22, 2016
The Princess Diarist is Out
I saw Carrie on Stephen Colbert last night too. She took her glasses off for the first part of the interview and she should do that more often, because she looked so much more like herself. Also when he mentioned Harrison you could tell she knows that she is in big trouble and/or has now essentially ended that friendship. Maybe. Again, it's all so weird in so many ways. She still seems shocked that so many people are paying attention to this. Uh, sorry, of course everyone was going to be paying lots of attention to this.
I finished the whole book the day it came out. I stayed up way too late but got it done. Not because it was so good, but largely because I wanted to get the pain of reading it over with. That is not to say that Carrie is a bad writer, because she is of course not. It's actually incredibly impressive what a good writer she was even at 19 when you read her excerpts. But just the depth of her pain back then is downright heartbreaking. Especially because she doesn't seem to do much to assure her audience that she is much better off now.
Those of you who read excerpts and articles have probably already read most of the juiciest details. When you all heard this book was going to come out, what did you think it was going to be about? It is basically 90% about her being obsessed with Harrison. The beginning is some background of her and getting cast and her first movie role on Shampoo. And at the end there is some stuff about going to conventions and signing autographs. Other than that, it is all about Harrison, and her obsession with him, her wish he would love her, and him being pretty much dead silent about everything.
There is basically not one other thing she talks about in regard to actually making the movie. Oh, a long thing about the hair styling thing but that all happened before Harrison showed up, so she couldn't have talked about him yet. One surprising thing was that at some point in one of her diary excerpts she actually mentions she maybe wishes she had had her affair with Mark instead, because at least that might have been a little more meaningful.
It's just really, really hard to read about someone being so infatuated with someone and knowing that it is not and never will be reciprocated. I think we probably all knew she had self esteem issues, but it is just really awful to read about. And while I am sure all of us have felt similarly at some point, usually when you read something like this you get some reassurance later that things turned out all right, and all those awful feelings were unfounded. This is just that much more painful because we know that's not how it ended up. And I'm not even talking about her winding up with Harrison, because that was just never going to happen. I'm talking about her at least finding someone who would feel about her the way she felt about them.
I really doubt that Harrison possibly could've read this, even if he tried. How many pages could you read about someone having been obsessed with you so many years ago? It just keeps going and going, and then you get to the diary excerpts where it just gets worse when you see how she really felt about the whole thing.
This is just not at all the book I was expecting when this was announced. And I pretty much think there is no way he will ever speak to her again. I think part of him is mad, but I also think that part of him feels bad about the whole thing but what can even be done about it now? Nothing. It's just.... uncomfortable to read about, mostly. And I can see why Carrie is visibly uncomfortable now when she is on shows talking about it. Yikes.
Oh and I almost forgot that she also discusses how she had to start doing autographs and stuff because she really needed the money. Apparently money is an issue for her. So, I do think that that is probably a motivating factor for this book, though I also think maybe now she thinks it wasn't worth it. We probably all would've bought it if she had talked more about like, what it was like to work with a Wookiee. But really it sounds like she spent the whole time being obsessed with Harrison and thought about nothing else.