Monday, April 8, 2013

Writer's Remorse


Caption:
Leia:  "I should've never written that story.  I don't know what I was thinking."
Han:  "But I liked it.  I don't understand."

Writer's Remorse

The last few posts have been about writing, both encouraging new writers to start writing and seasoned writers to expand their horizons.  Well, that got me thinking about the aftermath of said activities.  The immediate idea that came to mind was:  Writer’s Remorse.  Like the plaid bell bottom pants that looked so good on the mannequin in the store window back in 1973, that little story you wrote will be forever yours – cemented in the annals of the wayback machine – long after you’ve grown as both a writer and a person.   And like a grown child that behaves a little less than expected of him or her and, as a parent, you look upon this thing that you have created and wonder where your precious, perfect infant disappeared to, so your stories will take on lives of their own and become strangers to your very own eyes.  As you stare at your computer screen in confusion and horror, you may wonder what to do, how to proceed, where to run and hide and under which rock.
 
Well, we’re here to tell you to remain calm, remember to breathe and keep your fingers off the delete key.
First thing to remember is that this is perfectly normal and you (like so many other things in your life) are not alone in experiencing this phenomenon.   However, try to remember that, very much like a child, a story that is no longer an appropriate reflection of you is still a story by its own right – something that you have breathed life into and given birth to, so to speak.  If you felt confident enough at the time to publish it, chances are someone, somewhere along the way read it and enjoyed your insight and others coming after you could also find a similar connection.  You’re not twenty-two anymore, but someone is.
All of this doesn’t help, I know, when you pull up one of your old stories and wonder where in the nine hells your brain was at the time you wrote it.  It’s especially fun to remember how awesome you might’ve thought it was at the time.  I have to be honest, I haven’t published anything that I haven’t read and gotten excited about at the time I wrote it.  I mean, I wouldn’t have published it otherwise.  But I’ll be honest and say that half of what I have out there now, I really wonder about whenever I venture into that dreaded “re-read” mood.  AND I’ve only been doing this for a few years now.  I can’t even imagine reading some of those stories a decade from now.   ::shudders::    
There are options and advice, however, if you do find yourself in this situation.  The very first and easiest option is to do nothing (including stop re-reading!).  Take that photo of you rocking the plaid bell bottoms, frame it and hang it up on the wall in the basement.  It’s not that big of a deal.  It’s no longer a fun hobby if we begin to take ourselves too seriously. 
Option two, if you want to follow in George Lucas’ shoes, is the edit.  It’s not an entirely horrible option, but it has its pitfalls (see Greedo shooting first in the digitized remake of Episode IV).  The fact is, readers may have fallen in love with your story the way it is and they really don’t care if you’ve grown up since then.  Like us with the original movies, they may even feel some level of “ownership” over your story and the way it currently stands.
Still not feeling warm and fuzzy?  Well, then there is the complete rewrite and repost.  Keep the old, redo with the new and post as a new version.  In my opinion, this option would be the next in line behind the ‘do nothing’ one.  However, you’d have to feel really, really strongly about your story to warrant an entire rewrite.  The feasibility of this option also depends on how long the story is.  A few chapters?  Definitely possible.  A massive opus?  Maybe not worth it.   
Still squirming in your chair?  Well, there is one option left:  the deletion.
I have to confess that I deleted a few stories that I wrote coming right out of the gate in this fandom.  I don’t regret it and probably won’t ever change my mind on that, so I can’t say that I don’t understand, but I also wouldn’t recommend it, especially if your story has garnered several reviews and/or follows.   I already said this earlier in the post, but I think it deserves a reiteration:  try to remember that this is supposed to be FUN and try not to take yourself so seriously.  And, oh, also try to remember that this is completely anonymous (usually).  There is no delete key on your grown children (no matter how they turn out) and so, there really shouldn’t be one on your published stories either.
Well, okay.  All this talk about children and plaid bell bottoms makes me want to dig up some old photo albums.  While I’m doing that, I’d like to hear what you guys think about Writer’s Remorse.  Ever had it?  If so, how’d you handle it?  Ever fall victim to it and have a favorite story disappear?  Please share.  I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this.  

32 comments:

  1. Yep! I can definitely relate to this. My personal policy, at least so far, has been that even if I look back at something and now think it's terrible (which is absolutely the case for a few stories) I am leaving them be. Why? I guess partly so other people can maybe recognize that a writer can grow and evolve. I'd like to think that in spite of the fact that I think my first few stories are terrible, some more recent stuff is drastically better. And I also try and remind myself that it's only a silly online hobby, and nobody is going to judge me as a person based on one or two bad fanfic stories. I do sometimes get concerned though that people will read a bad one first and then decide not to bother reading anything else I wrote. Then I remind myself that nobody reviews anyway, so it doesn't make a difference ;)

    I don't know that there is a good answer here. I choose to leave my stuff up, and I think another part of that is the hope that other people will do the same. I hate seeing stories disappear and we are always harsher critics on ourselves than anyone else. So something you might feel incredibly strongly about in your own stories might go entirely unnoticed by others, or certainly is more apt to be overlooked by other people.

    I read some of my stuff last week, and I really, truly cringe at some of the early stuff. I'd considered editing it because none of it is unfixable, but in the end, I'm not sure it's really worth the time and effort. In some ways, too, I think it can help you look back and identify weaknesses, that you can then choose to either work on or just avoid stories that force you to address them :)

    But anyway, like I said, in the end, it's not that big of a deal. So leave that crap up (likely you are the only one who thinks it's crap) and every once in a while you can look back and see how far you've come.

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  2. As I'm new to the writing game I haven't had much opportunity to have this yet, fortunately. I'm pretty pleased with my two little babies thus far, but who knows if I will still feel this way a few years down the line. Hopefully, but who can tell?

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  3. I had been writing for 2 years before I even found FFN so none of the my early stuff is up there (considering I don't even know who half of my OCs from then even were) but I still occasionally regret even writing that stuff.
    As I was recently deleted from the joint account I started on with two of my 'friends' I have been going back, editing, and re-posting on my new account, but even some of the early chapters of 'The Princess's Journal' which I wrote in the summer when I had nothing to do haven't been touched aside from spelling and grammar corrections. (As my computer decided that circulatory is a better word than circuitry) Though, during my rereading I did cringe in a few spots, but, through supreme willpower, left them as they were. After all, the spots where I cringed were the spots that people talked about when reviewing. (Although those are still few and far between.)
    One of my least favorites of mine is one that my friends found when they got ahold of my mp3 player which was then passed around between them and they all read it and loved it. I hate it. But thanks to them it will be re-posted. (The things I had to go through to keep them from giving it to our English teacher to read were ridiculous.)
    But the way I look at it is this; once it's posted it's out there. No returning it to the buried folders in your computer.

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  4. Another tip I also give people as far as remorse and the instinct to delete is that even if you don't publish everything, never delete it. You can take those words to the grave if you want and never show another living soul, but I always tell people to hang onto whatever they've written. You never know when you might look back on it and totally change your opinion or it might prove inspiring and useful in another story or something. I actually don't think I have anything left that I haven't shown to at least someone even if it hasn't been published. And yes, some of it was silly and pointless and may never be published, but it's still good to be writing and to sometimes share it with someone.

    And I agree with LOS on the "once it's published it's out there" mentality. I'm a big believer in that and have stuck by it.

    It took me 5 minutes to write that response because my eyes kept being diverted to the background pic.

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  5. I wrote all sorts of poems in High School with a friend of mine (on an actual typewriter, mind you!) and then threw them away when I got older. I still wish I had those poems, no matter how goofy they probably were there were mine! So, yes, Zyra makes a good point, even if you haven't published, you should just not delete anything you've written it is in some way a part of you and you might want to go back someday and look at it.

    Are the little rolls of skin on Harrison's stomach just fascinating, or is it just me? And the collar bones. I love collar bones. I might have to write something with collar bones...

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    1. Yes, I was looking at those skin rolls. And there's another bit below them that's quite fascinating too ;)

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  6. How about a challenge to write something to go with this picture? Leia finding it? Leia taking it? Han posing for it? I'm thinking interesting possibilities, yes...?

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    1. Hehe, I was thinking the same...

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    2. Definitely interesting possibilities. And he's total sex on a stick in that pic. ;)

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    3. Your challenge intrigues me :)

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  7. I just figure someone out there probably enjoyed something about what I wrote, even if I look back now and hate everything about it. And I always remember how angry I am when I see that someone deleted a story I liked.

    Plus, I think it's better to just own your 'mistake' rather that try to cover it up. Creatively, anyway...

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  8. I haven't hit this yet, but I have had the urge to tweak something when I reread my stuff. Mostly I see some things I would have written differently. I’m not a big fan of tweaking things after the fact though. I wasn’t overly happy when they did it to the OT and I’ve seen it done to some books, like an uncut version. Not a big fan. Usually the way it was done originally was just fine.

    I would agree about leaving older stories up. You never know who might still enjoy it and would hate to see something deleted that I liked. Ask me again in a year or two and I might change my mind. :) Sadly, I did have some fanfic I wrote as a teenager and I threw it away. It was all handwritten and just tossed it all. I’ve regretted it ever since. Do have some stuff I typed on a disk though. I would definitely advise not to throw your stuff out. At least you’ll be able to look back and see how far you’ve come. It might be sweet.

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  9. This is more of a problem in my work related writing. Some of my early hypotheses make me cringe, which is why I'm in the long run grateful that they were shot down mercilessly.

    As for fic, I have to say I never thought about writer's remorse, only because I never have time to agonize over it. I was where I was when I wrote it, I was a different age, at a different time, and had different characters and motivations.

    I can look on it what I've written a short time afterwards(like immediately, an hour or a day), and that's when the document undergoes some treatment, and later on, I'll look again and still find more that needs changing, but I've been the sort of writer who won't agonize over it endlessly. I think sometimes what makes you cringe is more the execution as opposed to the idea, and there's a huge pool of other writers to help you with that. Not all ideas pan out, but it's fun to give them a try, share it with someone whose opinions you trust, and if they don't work out, they might later.

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    1. I think not agonizing over things when you are writing can be tough. Probably another good topic for discussion.

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  10. I'm all on board with the don't take yourself too seriously meme. I want to produce good writing with stories that people will enjoy, but take myself seriously? That would be the ultimate cosmic joke :)

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  11. You guys just made me feel really bad. I threw out most everything I had for Chasing Annie up until what I consider the 2nd draft (which had been 'taken and not returned' until recently.) The 3rd and 2nd drafts are all that remain of 9 some OCs, Leia's death, a runaway, a really cool secret hide out, a could of possessions (though how they got possessed I don't know), and Luke and Leia's 3 younger siblings, who later became their cousins around draft 2. Though I will never actually finish writing it or publish it I now kind of wish I still had all of that as that was one of my first fanfic attempts.

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  12. Sorry it's been awhile since I've commented, been in stealth mode. As far as writer's remorse I like Edna Mode's advice from The Incredibles.... "Never look back darling, it distracts from the now.":)

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    1. Good one. :) That's a cute movie.

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    2. Lol. I love the Incredibles.

      *waves* hi ya Seams! You know we miss you, right?

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    3. thanks Claire, *wipes tear from eye* it's been an interesting six months.

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    4. Got to agree with Claire, seams. Missed you around here.

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  13. Speaking here as an archivist:

    Please, please, don't throw anything away for good! Did you know that Nathaniel Hawthorne burned all drafts and manuscripts of his work once it was printed? The world is so much poorer because of that. Granted, most of our work is not going to stand in the same company with "the House of the Seven Gables," but by the same token: when it's gone, it's gone for good.

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  14. Just sneaking in to say 'Hi' after about a year. I'm still working on catching up, but wanted to give a shout out, and make sure I replied to your awesome series of 'writing about writing' posts.

    I run into this problem about 1/2 through a story if I start posting before I finish. I used to try and finish the fic before I posted it, but then I never really got very far writing it on my own. Which I why I haven't posted a story online in FOREVER.

    I should change that.

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  15. I think these "writing about writing" posts are wonderful. The basic concepts apply to much more than just writing fan fiction. I read a wonderful book by Patti Digh "Creative is a Verb" where she basically says "Sit the hell down and write." If writing isn't your thing then substitute whatever your creative bent is for writing. She also says "write like your an orphan" meaning write what is on your heart, mind, soul. Write that story that is burning in your brain and pulsing through your veins (Hey, I think I just made a rhyme or a catchphrase). Write without fear of judgement. Ha! My thought, easier said than done. Anyhow, great post, makes one think.

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    1. I agree that 'writing about writing' posts are great support, guidance and just plain fun.

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  16. Welcome back, Seams!

    You guys are proving the point when talking about old stuff you've thrown away and now you regret. I think we all hit that point of embarrassment when we want to get rid of stuff, and if we do, years later we come around and think, man, I wish I still had that! I've not thrown much away on purpose, but some stories I wrote as a kid (not Star Wars, just random stories) were lost for various reasons and I so wish I could look at them again. It's all just a part of our histories. And again, we are our own harshest critics.

    As a total side note: Zyra is the best at Star Wars Trivial Pursuit.

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    1. BTW, I answered Push's challenge to write about the photo used for our wallpaper. So come on, guys, I'm starving over here! :)

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  17. I've posted Amara's. Stats, you'll be next. :-)

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    1. Thanks, Push! There's something oddly fun about seeing my stuff posted. :)

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  18. I, like everyone else here, obviously, have had problems with this. I think mine center around the fact that I do have to re-read a lot because I'm writing a sequel. I had the worst time going back to "40 Days" when I started "Promises" because I just couldn't believe what I had in there...both good and bad.

    There are notes from every chapter of that story, and there are markings to what's my favorite part and what I really didn't like...but I think the worst part for me was how much I repeated...and this goes along with the post from the other day about getting out of my comfort zone. Re-reading really opened my eyes as to where I was struggling in my writing, and I'm careful now to make sure everything fits together in my new stories.

    I guess what I'm getting at is that you shouldn't delete it because you can learn from it. Writer's remorse, at least to me, is a hidden blessing. It may be painful to reread, but I'm going to learn from it, and that's what's important.

    -epcotexpert

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  19. Hi!

    About the victims... Suezahn has updated some stories in FFnet. I'm happy the original Checkmate is still there, because as much I LOVE to read the Bespin stories, I'm one of those of you who thinks they did IT after ROTJ. I guess she (or someone else and I don't remember anymore) updated some other my favorite stories and even sexytimes, but I don't remember correctly because I read them quite some time ago.

    I have never written fanfic but as a teen a had fanfic in my head with Luke & Leia's little sister, Lily (there my nick comes!). It's sad I never wrote it down and even if I did, it wouldn't help, because I was almost paranoid someone would read my stories and always destroyed them after some time. :( So, I wrote some pre-teen-stuff as a kid but it was not fanfiction. I also altered my fanfic (on my head) about Lily Skywalker & co a lot because I thought it's wrong to make your one versions of an existing story like Star Wars. :6 I had never heard of fanfiction...

    Well, I've been thinking about writing the altered version of Lily Skywalker but it's not Star Wars anymore. :6 Nor is she called Skywalker... Can't write the original based on the real Star Wars characters because I don't remember it, it's about 15 years ago... Besides, there really IS a character called Lily Skywalker in SW universe, she's just totally different person. :D But, if I one day dared to write and publish this altered story somewhere, maybe I one day have the courage to write and publish my very first fanfic! :)

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