Thursday, December 22, 2011

Han Solo: Super Sex Stud

Faster than a well-charged vibrator. More powerful than a wet dream. Able to coax multiple orgasms in a single lick. It's Han Solo! (that was a contribution by Push for this post)

I think it's high time we stopped being so subtle and and took on a certain subject head on: the sexual prowess of Han Solo. As I was writing the Universal Han and Leia Fanfic Truths post, a lot of what came to mind was actually directly sexual in nature. I mean, let's face it, it's pretty rare (though they are out there) where you read a fanfic in which Leia, or either one of them really, is left anything but completely satisfied. I mean, I guess unless you had a specific reason to, why would you want to write or read about sex that was less than spectacular? This is all an escape and a fantasy. Most of us have probably had a few sub-par performances and we don't really need to read about Leia having to go to sleep frustrated after Han had his fun in sixty seconds or less.

However, maybe we have a few legitimate reasons to believe that Han could pass as a sex god. Just for good measure, how about a list?

1. There is no way a man that hot could possibly be anything but amazing in bed. *Please note that this may not directly apply to real life, but I feel it is safe to assume in this case because I'm making the rules.

2. He's had many years of experience. While I'm sure he didn't start out as super-sex-stud, it seems obvious that he's probably been with a lot of women and eventually he was bound to wind up with a few who were not shy about asking for exactly what they wanted, and taught him how to drive women crazy.

3. He's in great shape with a really nice body. Stamina counts in more than one area, here.

4. Speaking of stamina... yeah, that thing we say about Corellians for no reason other than the fact that Han is one. So I guess Wedge benefits, too.

5. His blaster. 'Nuff said.

6. He doesn't need a flashy, expensive, new ship to compensate for other things.

7. The bad boys/scoundrels/pirates are always just better in bed.

8. He loves Leia like crazy and he wants her to want to do it with him a lot for the rest of his life. You gotta make it worth her while and surely he wants to make her feel as good as possible.

9. According to most of our fanfic, Han is quite the giver without often expecting anything in return as the receiver.

10. Being the experienced one, he seems to know how Leia's body works even better than she does.

11. Something about "work-roughened hands" I'm always reading about.

12. Speaking about stuff I'm always reading about, "sparse chest hairs" too. As in, he's not super hairy. Sorry, Chewie, nobody really wants that.

13. Also according to our fanfic, he pretty much never, ever finishes first.

14. In relation to #13, Leia often gets to finish somewhere between two and five times.

15. Practice makes perfect, and we can pretty safely assume he's had lots and lots of practice.

16. He always seems to be able to find that "special spot" on her neck or her collarbone or wherever.

17. No matter what he smells like, whether grease, the Falcon, wet Wookiee, macrofusers, etc, it's always erotically intoxicating.

18. His voice 'rumbles' in a way that makes all females within parsec fall down and spread their legs open.

19. He can probably do a lot of damage with those lips as well.

20. Chemistry. He and Leia definitely have it and it's probably safe to assume that they are as passionate in bed as they are about arguing with one another.

21. The lopsided grin. Under the right circumstances, it has been known on occasion to cause spontaneous orgasms.

22. He never fails to "rise to the occasion."

To be fair, our perfection standards for Han extend far beyond the bedroom, but let's stick with these for now. We also tend to write Leia pretty flawless in the bedroom as well, but again, this is probably just because she had such a good instructor.

Please feel free to add to the list. We all know there are even more reasons.

39 comments:

  1. OMG! I never laughed so hard. What a list and an intro! I had to show it to my husband.

    How he looks in his pants. That may just do it alone. And could imagine if he used that rumble in the nether regions? Oh, my. I keep thinking about that girl and the speaker scene in the Private Parts movie (if you happened to see it). I love the bit about not needing a fancy ship to compensate.

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  2. OH. MY. GOD !!!

    That is just brilliant.So funny - and hot. And it's all true, isn't it??

    It reminded me of a fic I read years ago, where Han and Leia were er, you know...and Han lasted for 2 HOURS!!! I SERIOUSLY need to find a man like that. Only Han eh, what a damn fine specimin of pure manliness.

    I love the comment about the "sparse chesthairs"

    I agree about Han and Leia being as passionate in bed as their arguments - hell yeah.

    Oh and Corellians are VERY well endowed - apparently!!

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  3. Oh and I always figured he was nicknamed "Slick" for other reasons as well....

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  4. Two hours? Is that even medically possible? I'm sure Leia knows. As for the rumble, while that one was one of Push's contributions to the list, I have definitely read a fic where he's... you know, doing the whole "giving" thing and he just goes like, "hmmm..." against her and she nearly jumps off the bed. Yeah, probably.

    I thought of another one: Foreplay: He knows how to use it.

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  5. 2 hours? Wouldn't you need a break?

    And foreplay isn't just a four letter word? Knew there was a reason I liked this guy.

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  6. And amara, did your husband enjoy the impossible standards he is supposed to live up to? Although it's not like they don't play that game, too, just usually not in the literary character sense.

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  7. Love this list. We forgot to say something about his eyes, though and their molten gold, simmering sexiness.

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  8. I kind of let the hubby off the hook. =) And he's pretty quiet anyhow.

    Don't forget those immpossibly long legs. Love the fact Han's so tall.

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  9. Oh yes, those eyes....the pic of Harrison on the background shows a great example of their intense dreaminess.....sigh

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  10. Well, yes, his legs actually are that ridiculously long. If you see any pictures of them full body and she's not standing on anything her hips end below his ass. I mean, she probably wouldn't even have to lean over very much in order to... oh, nevermind.

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  11. Makes you wonder how they manage the height difference in bed.

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  12. Well, if his legs are that long, their torsos must be a bit closer, right? So once... other stuff is lined up, it probably works out just fine ;)

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  13. All their "bits" are in the right place lying down, don't worry!!

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  14. Lol. That's probably true about the bits in the right place. I was just thinking if their torsos weren't the same length.

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  15. Have his arms been mentioned? I was kind of reading all this in a dreamy haze ;) Nice arms... and hands...big hands :D Ohhh, and the crooked smile or "smirk"!!!

    Love number 18!

    Oh, and the blue jacket, although, I'm not exactly sure as to whether the jacket enhances Han or Han enhances the jacket... either way, they work well together!

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  16. I can't believe we forgot the lopsided grin!

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  17. I seem to recall Carrie in the cast commentary on ESB saying how she is always taller in closeup shots bcs she was forever on a box.

    The lopsided grin just melts me every time. The pants fit nice too.

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  18. I know, I am appalled at the omition of the lopsided grin. Under the right circumstances it probably causes spontaneous orgasms. Yes on the blue jacket as well.

    And amara, if their legs are so mismatched, I'm betting it's not so difficult for them to be face-to-face when they need to be ;)

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  19. jzhanfan, I actually wrote what was almost a 5 point essay on their height differences and the three ways they adjusted for it in just one scene. That's why it's so much easier for them to do long shots when they're walking and close-ups when they're either standing still or sitting.

    Anyway, HOW DO YOU FORGET THE GRIN? D: And definitely the eyes. I looooove the picture in the background. It's scarily attractive.

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    Replies
    1. I would really love you to tell more? Push or Zyra, would you please ask MajorTrouble to Guest Post it here! I'm so curious! :) And it really don't need to be about sex, I'm interested anyway. :)

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  20. Oh my god, that was so funny. And totally true. Especially loved number five - because of this blog, I can't read or watch anything that says 'Han waved his blaster around' or pulled out his blaster without totally cracking up, LOL!

    His voice. And how he calls Leia sweetheart... The grin makes me melt, too.

    Why do we always assume that all Corellians are that amazing? I think we're just basing that on Han...

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  21. MERRY CHRISTMAS! In New Zealand LOL... We are about a day ahead of the US.

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  22. I've had to wait til this morning to read this, as I have a pretty nosey teenage daughter. I saw the blog topic and read the first sentence and quickly hit that little yellow button to hide the screen. I thought I need to get up early and read/comment. I agree with all that has been mentioned (the voice....sigh.....). I would also have to guess that Han has to make some inuendos to Leia when they are in public that would make her blush and then cause her to elbow him for it, but she would know exactly what he means. It's all in the confident/cocky attitude. The whole height thing really isn't a problem, it's actually kinda fun (trust me).

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  23. I forgot to mention his hair. Leia can definetely runs her fingers through his hair and have something to grab onto when, well you know.....

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  24. "The whole height thing really isn't a problem, it's actually kinda fun (trust me)" - that's priceless Seams2be. My husband is not much taller than me. So I tend to wonder. =)

    Merry Christmas, gold dragon!

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  25. Oooh, New Zealand, GoldDragon? I've always wanted to visit there. Since you're in the future, can you tell me what I'm getting for Christmas? I won't know for like 20 hours!

    At some point I am going to edit this post and put the grin in "officially" because it just seems wrong that it wouldn't be there.

    I probably also should've added his never-failing ability to "rise to the occasion" as it were.

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  26. LOL what a conversation. I'm a good foot shorter than my spouse and I agree with seams2be AND with claire1976; all of the bits line up just fine. and if the height difference sometimes requires creativity, well. that's part of the fun ;-)

    there's also something to be said for the scruffy looking thing.

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  27. I agree in adding in the lopsided grin. It was a gross oversight!

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  28. Just wanted to wish everyone a very merry Christmas!

    Hope you all get some SW goodies.

    Something related to this thread...I was listening to some of the dark empire audio drama earlier and this line from Han's old girlfriend Salla Zend made me chuckle.. she says, to Leia, "Han Solo has the best equipment in the galaxy", somehow I don't think she was referring to hydro spanners!

    Anyway I am sure Leia is fully aware of how good his equipment is!

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  29. You're right, I'm sure she meant more than one thing when discussing his equipment. And yes, I'm sure Leia is quite happy in that department.

    Thanks, and I hope I get some Star Wars goodies, too! My brother is usually good for it, and I exchange gifts with one of my cousins and it is always Star Wars, to the point where one year we unknowingly bought each other the same gift :)

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  30. Merry Christmas everyone! Hope your day is filled with Star Wars-y goodness.

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  31. So I go away for a few days to do the family Christmas thing, and what do I miss? This! So I'm a couple of days late, but I would like to state for the record that I wholeheartedly approve of this post and I second every single thing that everyone has said!

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  32. MissMimi and anyone else: there is no such thing as being too late to comment on this post. I think everyone will enjoy coming back to it.

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  33. For those of you who did not notice, I added the lopsided grin to the list officially. Plus another one after that. Seemed wrong to leave those out.

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  34. 21 & 22 are great. Especially 21. I was just rereading the list, and started laughing so hard that my parents started banging on the door asking if I was all right. Had to minimize the window very quickly :)

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  35. His tight pants causes females to ovulate every time he walks by them.

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  36. Dude, this is one of the best posts on this blog. Let's resurrect this discussion! In all seriousness, Han's character was originally envisioned as being very popular with the ladies, so it would stand to reason that he'd developed certain talents beyond piloting spacecraft over his lifetime, right? I've always been fascinated by how Han might view his own popularity with women and how it might have changed once he started having feelings for Leia...

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