Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Special Guest Post: Princess Leia Organa Solo


Zyra and I are so excited to welcome Leia Solo herself as a guest writer on our blog! The Princess contacted us and requested an opportunity to address all of our readers and comment on our blog as a secret 'lurker' herself. So, without further ado, please welcome: Princess Leia.

First of all, thank you Push and Zyra for the warm welcome and for the opportunity to appear as a guest writer on your wonderful blog. As technologically advanced as my 'long time ago / far, far away galaxy' is, I must confess that I am not on the holonet all that often. It was only after my daughter suggested that I 'google' myself (and after she explained to me what that meant - I'm a little embarrassed to admit what my first thoughts were), that I came across your blog and the zillions of other stories and sites that focus on Han, Luke, and myself among others.

It is actually quite funny, as many of our friends have teased us over the years about what some holowriters have done to our lives following the fall of the Empire in 4 ABY. At first, Han, Luke and I dismissed it because most of the accounts were coming from Rogue Squadron and well, not many of them can be trusted (with your life yes, but all else, no). But then C-3PO, in that unique way of his, began reciting some disturbing accounts of Prince-ly suitors and kidnappings and we began to get curious. So, you may or may not believe this, but Chewbacca is quite the techno-nerd and he ended up relaying some funny stories to us from his datapad while in hyperspace on the Falcon. Never has a trip through hyperspace gone by faster! (Although Han would argue that - you all know how he is about his ship).

Sadly, Chewbacca did not react very well when he found out that his character had been killed off some time in 25 ABY. I suspect that he wrote a few letters of complaint to the publishers, but without a protocol droid, they could probably not understand Shyriwook. I tried to comfort him by suggesting that everything following the destruction of the second Death Star may actually end up being a dream sequence, but Wookiees are very hard to console once they have become upset about something. Needless to say, after that our interest fell off and I have no idea what else they have done to us. Sometimes I shudder to think about the possibilities! (And no, although I have made my peace with my father, I did not name one of my kids Anakin).

Anyway, fast forward to just the other day and I ran across the blog post that had a count down of Han's "Super Sex Stud" attributes and I decided it was high time that I 'de-lurked' and debunked some of these 'universal truths' that you all seem to have about my husband. Don't worry, I'm not upset about it. Quite the contrary, actually. I find it endearing that so many other sentients have recognized how wonderful the man that I get to call my husband and the father of my children really is. But, he is not perfect! Believe me.  And I am here to set the record straight.

So, let's begin:

1. There is no way a man that hot could possibly be anything but amazing in bed. *Please note that this may not directly apply to real life, but I feel it is safe to assume in this case because I'm making the rules. Actually, this is absolutely correct. Although I am at a distinct disadvantage here since Han is the only man I have ever slept with, and I would have to agree that good looks don't always necessarily translate to being good in bed. But just to be clear, in Han's case, he doesn't disappoint in either category.

2. He's had many years of experience. While I'm sure he didn't start out as super-sex-stud, it seems obvious that he's probably been with a lot of women and eventually he was bound to wind up with a few who were not shy about asking for exactly what they wanted, and taught him how to drive women crazy. As a rule I try not to think about this particular topic very much. If I owe anyone out there for teaching Han, they can consider themselves thanked because Han certainly knew what he was doing when he finally got me into bed. With that being said, anyone from his past that is still out there can just stay scarce, because he's mine now.

3. He's in great shape with a really nice body. Stamina counts in more than one area, here. When I first met Han I really didn't notice right away how sexy he was. Now give me a break here, I was in a very stressful and traumatic place when we met and I had some very focused, tunnelled vision at the time. I distinctly remember when I first realized how extremely fit and handsome Han was (or is). It was at the medal ceremony on Yavin. After that day I became quite aware of Han's proximity to me whenever we were on the same planet, although it would take years for me to admit that to him. And in answer to this statement: Yes, it's very nice that he is in such great shape and has remained so over the years. Let's remember that I'm almost a decade younger than he is, but so far, that hasn't been an issue and I don't foresee any problems in the future.

4. Speaking of stamina... yeah, that thing we say about Corellians for no reason other than the fact that Han is one. So I guess Wedge benefits, too. I can't speak for Wedge Antilles or for any other Corellians out there, but Han definitely lives up to all things attributed to virile, male Corellians. (And he certainly enjoys reminding me of the fact all of the time). Now, whether it's experience, or practice or heriditary, I really don't care. Would you?

5. His blaster. 'Nuff said. This one in particular really was amusing to Han when I told him about it. He has since taken to making lewd references about the size of his blaster or its readiness while we are out in public together. Just recently, he and I were talking with the Chief of State and Han began discussing his blaster and how he doesn't mind when I use it, or that I've practically worn down the grip, but doesn't like anyone else to 'fondle it'. The Chief of State was quite oblivious to what Han was actually referring to (of course) and I just about popped a blood vessel trying to keep from busting out in laughter (or embarrassment). That's life with Han Solo, though. There's never a dull moment. That said, the best blaster in the universe isn't very useful if you don't know how to use it. Han, however, is incredibly proficient with his blaster. But just so all of you know, Han's blaster remains holstered for everyone but me.

6. He doesn't need a flashy, expensive, new ship to compensate for other things. Oh, Han and his Falcon. People have often speculated about whether or not I actually like to travel around in an old, tramp freighter or if I do it just for Han's benefit. It is true that I was certainly accustomed to a slightly finer class of space ship and my accommodations were probably larger than the entire Falcon, but I would not trade that ship for anything else in the entire universe. And no, Han doesn't need a big fancy ship to compensate for anything, in the bedroom or elsewhere. It was the Falcon (and Chewie) that clued me in to Han's softer side and his fierce loyalness. There was a time when I thought that I would never rate higher than the Falcon with Han and was actually happy and proud to be in the #2 or even #3 spot in his life as a friend. After we became lovers and I realized that Han would sacrifice everything for me, including the Falcon, of all the things that have happened to me in my life, that was the most humbling.

7. The bad boys/scoundrels/pirates are always just better in bed. I will have to take your word on this one because I have no desire to research this fact further. But just to point something out: Han really isn't a bad boy, a scoundrel or a pirate. He has certainly enjoyed pretending to be one or all of these things at certain points over the years, but he is far from their true definitions, I assure you. Sorry!

8. He loves Leia like crazy and he wants her to want to do it with him a lot for the rest of his life. You gotta make it worth her while and surely he wants to make her feel as good as possible. This is true, he does love me like crazy and certainly wants to make sure I enjoy myself when I'm with him, in and out of the bedroom. But you guys do realize that I love him like crazy, too - don't you? Except for the first several years it took for Han to finally get me into bed, Han really doesn't have to work too hard to get my clothes off anymore.

9. According to most of our fanfic, Han is quite the giver without often expecting anything in return as the receiver. This was probably true during the beginning of our relationship as I was so very inexperienced in this department. However, as with most things in my life, I was a quick learner and Han (I'm sure) has no complaints. Why wouldn't I want to make him feel as good as he makes me feel? In fact, Han said to tell you (and I quote): "Don't worry, she knows how to handle a blaster".

10. Being the experienced one, he seems to know how Leia's body works even better than she does. Is this unique? Han is telling me that it is and I should be more grateful for him. I told him to stop reading over my shoulder.

11. Something about "work-roughened hands" I'm always reading about. All I have to say is my cheeks flush just a little when I think about his 'work-roughened hands'. I don't know what it is, I recommend you find some for yourselves and see what I'm talking about. As I type this Han is rubbing his hands up my thighs and I worry I may not finish this post in time.

12. Speaking about stuff I'm always reading about, "sparse chest hairs" too. As in, he's not super hairy. Sorry, Chewie, nobody really wants that. Well, I'm sure Malla would disagree with all of us on this, but yes, Han's chest is one of my favorite features on him. Just so you know, he has very sensitive nipples. [This is HAN SOLO and nothing on me is sensitive.]

13. Also according to our fanfic, he pretty much never, ever finishes first. Again, is this possible? Just kidding. This has happened very rarely, although, he always, always makes up for it as soon as possible!

14. In relation to #13, Leia often gets to finish somewhere between two and five times. A girl really doesn't like to brag, but if you look up multiple orgasms in the interplanetary dictionary there really should just be a picture of Han there. [:-)] That was Han and that grin is crooked.

15. Practice makes perfect, and we can pretty safely assume he's had lots and lots of practice. Han says to tell you all that once someone becomes so proficient at something, you really can't call it practice anymore. I take back what I said earlier. He is a scoundrel. [She likes scoundrels.]

16. He always seems to be able to find that "special spot" on her neck or her collarbone or wherever. As I read this one to him, he began to demonstrate this specific ability. How many more of these things are there? I'm running out of self-control here.

17. No matter what he smells like, whether grease, the Falcon, wet Wookiee, macrofusers, etc, it's always erotically intoxicating. This isn't always the case (sorry ladies). But a little shower [together] usually fixes this problem quickly.

18. His voice 'rumbles' in a way that makes all females within parsec fall down and spread their legs open. Well, I certainly hope this isn't the case! But I might know what you mean. [She does.] Han can turn this on and off when he wants to. This was one of the first things I discovered about him and he was quick to exploit it. He just now rumbled something into my ear that I really can't repeat. Did I say he wasn't a bad boy?

19. He can probably do a lot of damage with those lips as well. My mouth has often gotten me into trouble and is quite famous throughout the galaxy. Well, it turns out that Han's is, too. Just for very different reasons!

20. Chemistry. He and Leia definitely have it and it's probably safe to assume that they are as passionate in bed as they are about arguing with one another. Chemistry was something that Han and I never lacked. But I will let you know that the greater our chemistry grew in the bedroom, the less arguing we did outside of it!

21. The lopsided grin. Under the right circumstances, it has been known on occasion to cause spontaneous orgasms. Han's crooked grin has gotten him out of a lot of trouble. He says my eyes are just as powerful to him, so at least I'm not totally unarmed.

22. He never fails to "rise to the occasion." Nope, he does not, as the old pirate is proving to me right about now...

I had to take 'a break' after writing this and come back to finish this post. I will say that both Han and I had fun working on this and hope to return as guest writers some time in the future. I feel slightly cheated that there isn't an equivalent blog about me created by men somewhere out on the holonet. And before you go 'googling' and looking for one, take my word for it, there isn't. Maybe this is due to the fact that once those pictures of me from Jabba's Palace hit the holonet, men were too busy doing something else with their hands and couldn't type up a blog. Oh, well.

Thanks again to Leia Solo (and Han) for offering to write a guest post on our blog! Remember, any of our followers can do this at any time, just contact us if you are interested.  And perhaps in the near future we may hear from Han Solo himself!

The picture that was in the background when this post went up was discussed at length in the comments.  I'm inserting it here so everyone will remember what pic we were talking about:

19 comments:

  1. BEST. BLOG. POST . EVER!!!!!

    That was such a fun read, I was grinning from ear to ear all the way through that. Absolutely brilliant.

    Wish I could ask Leia a question though...like did they really do it on the flight to
    Bespin? Or maybe we should leave somethings private, lol !!!

    Gold dragon is gonna love the response to question 5 I think!!!

    Can't wait for Han's blog!

    Whoever thought this one up, you rock!! Very original.

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  2. Wow. That was really funny. Poor Leia, though, constantly interrupted. =) Can't blame a girl getting distracted though, especially with him around the house. I like the comment that she knows her way around a blaster. Too bad she didn't comment on how he looks in his pants.

    A post about Leia might be interesting. But I suspect if Han wrote it or commented on it, it would probably be all about boobs. =)

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  3. Loved this post!!!!! Does Leia know what an inspiration she is to so many? Today's background picture is my absolute favorite. I love the expression in their eyes. Great blog post. Glad to hear Chewie is alive and well.

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  4. I really liked two things from Leia's over the rest - "Han is telling me that it is and I should be more grateful for him. I told him to stop reading over my shoulder." and the part about his voice. But seriously, all of Han's comments were great xD Her reactions to him were pretty good too.

    Seams2Be, in regards to the background picture, I love hos she's holding him and I feel like she would be smiling, but she's too busy warning you off her man. And Han's just going 'Yup, I have her, she's mine.'

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  5. Wow - that was so funny! Claire - I started choking at number 5 because I was trying so hard no to laugh. Would have been a little awkward if my parents had come in to see what was so funny...

    Sometimes I really wish I could meet Leia... and ask her a few questions about that trip to Bespin...

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  6. MajorTrouble, you hit the nail on the head about the background picture.

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  7. This is my favorite picture of them. To me, it looks like it is them two against the universe and his eyes are saying, "She's mine, don't mess with her." And her eyes are saying the same thing. "Don't mess with him, he's mine."

    And her arm wrapped so tightly around him and his hand on her shoulder protectively. I just love it. I also think that Han's lips have a hint of her lip gloss shade on them, betraying some pre-photo shoot makeout session, maybe...

    I know. I know. Really? There is something wrong with me when I have studied this picture so thoroughly, isn't there?

    But I don't really care.

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    Replies
    1. it has taken me longer then i am proud of to figure out how to comment on this blog (something about cookies - but i seem to have fixed it!)
      anyway, what pic? that background has changed and now i'm feeling left out! :)
      Love this blog btw - and like i mentioned, i've been creeping and trying in vain to comment for AGES!
      anyway, here i am! love you guys, youre awesome.

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    2. I've inserted the pic at the end of the post so we can all remember what we were talking about.

      Welcome, Zolo77! Glad you could finally comment.

      Delete
  8. Push - That is exactly what I see when I look at this picture too. Although the lip-gloss is a new one. Though I wouldn't doubt the source of the lip-gloss.

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  9. Gold dragon - see, I knew you would go nuts over number 5, lol!!!

    Agree with all that's been said on the background pic. I love it. It's not a pic I had actually ever seen before until fairly recently, and I really thought I'd seem 'em all at some time or another. So nice to see it again.

    One of my favourite aspects of this blog is waiting to see which pic you're gonna use next.

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  10. Now we've started using this comments section specifically to comment on the picture, huh? I like the fact that her arm goes inside his jacket, which of course makes them seem much more intimate.

    And oh, Leia, commenting on all of Han's attributes. Of course she can do so securely only because we are in a galaxy far, far away. I also love that apparently it started because her daughter asked her to google herself. Reminds me of one of my favorite exchanges on 30 Rock (which comes back next week!):

    Jack: Tracy, googling yourself means looking yourself up on the internet.

    Tracy: Oh, that explains why Liz Lemon was so cool the other day.

    (flashback) Tracy: Hey, Liz, you mind if I google myself in your office?

    Liz: Sure, Tracy, go ahead.

    Tracy: Can I use your computer?"

    Liz: How else are you gonna do it, right?

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  11. Awesome. Just.....awesome. I also have to admit that the background picture has set me swooning. The pic of Princess Leia Organa Solo is a nice one, too. Love seeing a picture I've never seen before.

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  12. Wahaha awesome! I enjoyed Han's little commentary. Can I just get his email address?

    I guess I'll declare my love for this particular background picture. They just look so badass together. I like the fact that her hand is under his jacket.

    Zyra, woo 30 Rock!

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  13. how did you know I needed cheering up today?

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  14. Well, it wasn't us- it was Leia...and she does have the Force. :-)

    Hope u feel better, JZ!

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  15. Well you know we all like to analyze the pictures and borrow the posts to discuss them. Yeah, I'm digging the hand inside the jacket too.

    Hope you are feeling better, jz.

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  16. Hi! :) I am interested in doing a guest post, similar to AmaraZ's, actually. Is there any way I can contact either of you? Thank you. :)

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