Monday, March 12, 2012

"Canon" Things I Choose to Ignore

Han's hand is being very sneaky while Leia isn't looking...

We all have them. There are things that George has added to "enhance" the Star Wars universe to make it "better" except to most of us they do the exact opposite so we choose to completely ignore their existence. I find it funny how riled up we get when he changes things and makes them wrong, especially since as I've said before, this is a fantasy world and we can really all believe whatever we choose to believe. Most of these things are from the prequels and the books but some are definitely from changes he has made to the original trilogy. There is nothing in the original original trilogy that I do not see as absolute truth. But now a list of things I refuse to believe ever happened/existed:

1. Han not shooting first. We know he did. Obi Wan is allowed to chop a guy's arm off after a little shoving match but Han can't blast Greedo before he knows he's about to be blown away? It's been said before and I'll say it again: Han shot first.

2. Midichlorians. Even in my first, naively hopeful viewing of Episode I, I came awfully close to audibly groaning at the thought that you could measure Force sensitivity by some sort of micro-organisms floating around in your blood that some people have and some people don't. It should be mysterious and undetectable, just an innate ability. Not any additional crap in your blood stream. So to me, they do not exist.

3. Luke and Leia's mother died in childbirth because she "lost the will to live." Sure, Leia totally got her incredible strength from a woman who gives up and lets herself die for no reason just because a man left her, even though she now has two children. I'd be fine if she had died in childbirth of actual medical complications, but this is ridiculous. Although to be honest I still can't decide if I like the childbirth thing better or the idea that Leia actually does remember her a little, and her dying.

4. Bria. Nope. She never existed. Han had some women, you know he did. But in my own head he was never even close to being in love before he met Leia.

5. Anakin and Jacen's deaths. Han and Leia's children live long, long lives and they don't have to witness anything but their weddings, children, triumphs, etc.

6. To go along with the above, Jacen turning to the dark side. He instead grows up to be a pretty decent guy.

7. Almost anything that has to do with COPL. Han and Leia do not wait four years to get married. No prince shows up, Leia doesn't almost fall in love with someone else or treat Han like crap. Just... no.

8. Han and Leia not raising their own kids. I'm not going to get into a debate here about how many kids they have, whether it's twins, whether Leia would name one Anakin because for whatever reason those particular facts don't bother me like they bother a lot of other people. But, whatever children they have, they make every effort to be parents to without having someone else raise them.

9. Similar to #8, sending their children off to some remote planet for the first two years of their lives. That's just insanity.

10. Ewoks blinking.

11. Darth Vader screaming, "Nooooooo!!!!!" He does not do that ever, in any of the movies, for any reason.

12. Leia totally immersing herself in work and ignoring her family. She works, sure, but she has plenty of time to be a wife and mother.

13. Han and Leia spending most of their time apart. In my eyes, they actually spend the majority of their time together after marriage. And before, really.

14. Luke falling in love with a woman inside a computer.

15. Mara getting killed. I know, why should I care? But come on, as much as Han and Leia didn't deserve for their children to get killed, Luke didn't deserve to lose his wife, either.

16. Luke and Leia's parents having a ridiculously cheesy "romance" and spouting off nauseating lines to each other such as, "Your beauty is intoxicating." Yuck.

17. The existence of Jar Jar Binks.

18. Qui Gon Jinn teaching Obi Wan. Seriously, didn't Yoda say he taught Obi Wan? Why did all of these things get changed?

19. Chewie's death.

20. Anything else bad that happens to any of them.

Please add on if you see fit to do so. I'm sure there are more things that we all like to think never "actually" happened.


  1. Wow, I think you've pretty much got it covered with that lot. I agree with all of these, although I don't really mind the blinking ewoks. Yes they serve very little purpose but they don't bother me. I'm more bothered by the Jedi Rocks musical number which I absolutely loathe. The original was vastly superior. Why change that?

    Other things that I really don't like:

    Replacing the ORIGINAL Anakin, Sebastian Shaw with Hayden at the end of ROTJ. Blasphemy as far as I'm concerned, and I think disrespectful to the original actor.

    Anakin created Threepio. Oh please. I absolutely hate this. Is the galaxy THAT small?

    Anakin's immaculate conception. Ridiculous.

    And one from the EU that really gets my back up would be Leia having always been jealous of Chewie. Absolute utter crap.

    That's all I can think of for now, but there must be more, right?

    1. Oh, you are SO right about those things, and how could I have forgotten the immaculate conception? Oh, right, because I won't watch that movie again.

      I don't actually care if Ewoks blink, I just thought it was so insane that they would take the time to add something so miniscule that doesn't make things better at all.

      And Anakin at the end of ROTJ! Yes! There was some funny cartoon recently where it was the end and Anakin appeared to Luke and Luke says, "Hey, thanks for appearing as I knew you, father, instead of some younger version of yourself I wouldn't recognize." And he's like, "I know, right? I mean, why would I do that?" Exactly!

    2. that whole re-do of the ending of ROTJ sucked. I shut the DVD off now before it gets to that.

      I saw that cartoon, Zyra. it made me giggle.

  2. Oh and I should add...

    Leia becoming a Jedi. Yes I know it takes forever for her to actually get there, but I don't believe she would have any desire whatsoever to follow that path. Especially considering the issues she has accepting her parentage. I just don't see it all. Leave the Jedi stuff to Luke.

    And of course, how can I forget this. Han turning to alcohol and turning his back on his family after Chewie's death. Nope, sorry, don't buy that. But then if we ignore Chewie's death, then that didn't happen, did it?

    1. I was thinking about it today and I agree about Leia becoming a Jedi. I don't think it's a path she would have chosen. And does everyone need to be a Jedi?

    2. Interesting thing that popped into my mind the other day when we were discussing Han at the BBQ. In that same quote about Han and Leia's future after ROTJ Lucas says that Leia would "become a Senator". So does he not think she would become a Jedi either?

      I am reading Legacy of the Force at the mo, and Leia is dressed in Jedi robes pretty much the whole time, and I just have a hard time picturing that. I just don't see her that way.

      And yeah, why does everyone have to be a Jedi? It's like poor Han is all on his own sometimes.

    3. About Han - exactly. Seems to me things became more about the Jedi and less about defeating the Empire. I think ANH was simpler because of that.

    4. Aw man, there is the cutest quote between Han and Luke about a certain Princess on Wookiepedia today. They didn't say much but still cute. Han the softie.

    5. That's a good quote, isn't it? Aww.

      And that's also true about ANH. I've never been that big on the whole Jedi thing to be honest, which is why I connected so much more with Han than Luke. He's just a regular guy, and he still manages to be a hero.

      I hate that all of Han and Leia's kids became Jedi, I think one of them should have opted out of that and refused to train. That would have made an interesting sub plot too.

    6. I'm with you on Han. Luke started out that way too, a regular guy that became a hero. I liked him more then.

      I could see one of the Solo boys racing ships or something. Just running around being a great pilot like their dad.

  3. I think you fairly well covered it, but I will think about it.

    My husband has said the same thing about ROTJ and Anakin. How could they replace the original actor? Bah!

    What is the Jedi Rocks number?

    It always kind of bothered me that only certain people can be Jedis. If the Force binds everything together, wouldn't everyone have a certain level of connection and potential? Just a thought.

    1. Jedi Rocks is the musical bit in Jabba's palace, which was changed for the special editions. The original Lapti Nek song, with NO CGI was so much better.

    2. Oh, I hate the new version! And I'm convinced the new one has been primed for 3D. Lapti Nek is awesome.

  4. I'll agree with all of this. I don't buy into the majority of EU at all. As far as I'm concerned, it's just a bunch of fanfiction...that I sometimes pay to read.

    The prequels are the product of someone watching the original trilogy on acid, then trying to recreate what they experienced during their trip (where did Jar Jar Binks come from?).

    Boba Fett doesn't sound like Jango Fett.

    As for Ewoks, actually only Wicket blinks. A few times. That reminds me, has anyone watched those two horrible Ewok movies? Wicket has pupils, and then in the second movie, he speaks broken English!

    1. I wish I could just brush off the EU like that. I know some people see it as non canon and totally ignore it, and a big part of me wants to do that, but I can't seem to. A lot of the EU I don't mind, but there's a large chunk that I really wish I could just blank out.

      Great point about Boba and Jango. I also don't like the idea that stormtroopers are clones.

      Yes, you're right, only Wicket blinks. Which makes it all the more stupid I suppose. Why just make one ewok blink? Although I think there's also a baby one that blinks when Threepio is telling his story.

      Oh I remember the ewok movies well. I admit to having them on DVD, but they haven't aged well at all. When I was 10 I totally loved them, but when I watched them again a couple of years ago I cringed all the way through. Awful.

  5. I suppose my greatest "pet peeve" with the EU is Jacen Solo's turn to the dark side. I can almost deal with everything else, at least Anakin and Chewbacca died as heros.

  6. I really hate the midichlorians thing. In my mind everyone is 'connected' to the Force yet only some people have the ability to control it and train as Jedi. "It is a part of all living creatures" to loosely quote Ben Kenobi.

    I know people have to die, it's a part of life and Chewie and Anakin die honorably and heroically, so I can kind of accept that as part of the story. Even though a part of me is like, this is escapism! I read/write/watch this stuff to get away from real world problems, IDK, I can still accept Chewie's more readily. Let's just not have any of H/L's kids die and that would make me happy. Okay? Why couldn't Lando die in some heroic feat at the Sabacc table?

    In the end, for me, ONLY the original OT movies are Canon. Anything else, I easily ignore or accept as I see fit. I have not problems whatsoever ignoring a majority of it.

    About George fixing everything and pissing everyone off. I saw a documentary once about the fans that hate/love George Lucas and one fan said it pretty well. He said something along the lines of, "Imagine if Leonardo da Vinci came back and said that he was rushed on the Mona Lisa and had meant to give her a full smile and then went about repainting that famous smile to suit his liking of his original 'vision'. Time constraints, budget constraints, issues of the day all go into any work of art and sometimes that's what makes them greatest. So, stop f@#$ing with the original movies!" (Or something along those lines, you get the picture.) I thought that was very true. George can/could do what he wanted with the new films (at the time he was making them) and he can do what he wants with subsequent films, but leave completed works alone!

    1. That sums it up perfectly Push. If something like the mona Lisa was altered there would be an outcry, because its a masterpiece. Like the original SW is a masterpiece to millions of people. If it ain't broke don't fix it.

      I like how George harps on about these changes are to make it more true to his vision. But can you honestly say that having Vader scream Noooo like a girl, and altering the sound of Ben's Krayt Dragon impersonation are really and truly what he originally intended?

      I also read that the midichlorians crap was an idea he's had since 1975 when he wrote the rough draft but he decided to leave it out until a later date. Sorry, I just don't believe that. Why make the Force all magical and mystical in the original films only to reveal later that its all due to bugs in your blood stream!

      The thing that irks me the most about Jacen's death is that it leaves a really bitter taste after Tatooine Ghost and leia's whole turnaround on having kids and the very reason she was so afraid to have them in the first place. Plus if you read Wookiepedia, it says Jacen was never intended to die, he was going to be redeemed. But they changed it fairly late on. Why did they do that?

    2. Well said, Psuh.

      And good point on Tatooine Ghost, Clarie.

  7. Haha, I think you guys have covered pretty much everything. Although I can (kind of) deal with a lot of the EU, in any of my versions of what happened to them, Bria does not exist.

    Also, I just try not to think about Leia kissing Luke. I know it happened, I just pretend it didn't most of the time.

  8. GoldDragon, the Luke/Leia kiss has never ever bothered me. The only reason she kisses him is to rile up Han, it's nothing about her having those kinds of feelings for Luke. At that particular moment she probably would have kissed anybody just to make Han jealous.

  9. I was more bothered by the fact that they are brother and sister to begin with. Is the universe so small that everyone is related to one another? That R2 knew their parents? There had to be another way to resolve the love triangle without making them siblings. Couldn't Leia just be a princess and not Vader's daughter? Just my opinion.

    1. Their relationship alone didn't bother me, but I know what you mean. When you step back and see the whole picture, it's lame. A second Deathstar! And it's gonna blow up! Another family revelation! Reverse 'I love you, I know'! And so on. I always think of ROTJ as a true sequel, using ideas from the previous movie then just tweaking them (usually to be lamer). I love ROTJ, but I can't look into it too much without feeling a little cheated.
      Back to what I was going to say, what bothered me about the brother-sister thing it was that, okay so here's this revelation...then they do absolutely nothing with it besides 'Oh silly Han, he's my brother! Smooch Smooch'. Wasted potential. I think they really wasted Leia's potential as a whole in that movie.

  10. ITA with almost all of this. I actually don't have a problem with Han having been in love before. People have complicated lives and can love more than one person; it doesn't diminish their feelings for the person they settle down with. Plus, he's like 30 when he meets Leia! My problem with Bria is the character herself and the terrible writing. You have no idea why he would love this person except she's pretty and needy. And her whole "addiction" thing! Just preposterous. I think it would have been so interesting to have a likable, compelling pre-Leia love interest for Han. Another lost opportunity.

    1. I just personally prefer the idea that Han was never in love before, that he had girlfriends but he always maintained just enough distance to not get attached. Like you said though, Bria in and of herself wasn't anything but PRETTY. That's all he seems to fall in love with. Honestly, him having been in love with Salla would've made more sense to me and that relationship didn't bother me at all because they actually made sense together.

      It just seems more "special" if Leia is the only one he ever truly loved.

  11. Well, it looks like everyone covered pretty much everything already. I'll just chime in to mention (as I might have said before so sorry if I'm repeating myself) that the only SW universes I will watch/read are the OT, and fanfiction--which is written as a labor of love by people who *care about the characters*!

  12. Well, it seems like we're all agreed that the heaviest of the heavy stuff is not to our liking. But here's the problem: we want a Happily Ever After for our heroes, but that really doesn't make for novel after novel. Could we have an EU without death, dying, and dark side?

  13. I dont mind Bria so much, in that i dont mind Han having been "in love" before he meets Leia, but it bothers me the way that relationship ended, personally, i think she have lived and suffered for being such a poo.
    There's a really good story on by Zelland called "Lost", it's along those lines. Frankly, I cant understand Salla at all, she REALLY bugs me. the whole wedding this WTF was that? srsly.

    My biggest pet peeve with the EU is Luke. Actually, he's my biggest pet peeve re: the whole SW universe. HOW is he in any way the hero of the whole thing? Really, how? He wouldn't have lasted 10 mins without Han, and they both wouldn't have lasted 20 mins without Leia. Srsly.

    1. Absolutely, after all Leia is the best shot, she beats the boys hands down. She never misses.

  14. I agree on most of the points, though I don't care about the blinking Ewoks, and Jar Jar doesn't bother me (though when I watched the Phantom Menace in 3D the other day, in like 5 years, I went out of the cinema thinking "WTF? What were they taking when they created him?" )
    Midichlorians I'm all right with, but what was the point in making it all magic, mysterious and all that in the OT, and then coming up with all that crap about micro-organisms in your blood?