Han and Leia Discover COPL: Part One

“Han, get in here!” Leia yelled alarmingly from the bedroom she shared with her husband.

He had been lounging on the couch, watching a smashball game, but he was on his feet and in the bedroom almost before Leia finished her sentence. “What is it? Are you all right?” he asked from the doorway.

Her eyes that had been on the datapad in her lap turned to focus on him and he felt the air leave his lungs in relief when he realized she wasn’t in danger. “I need you to come look at something,” she said as she gestured for him to come sit next to her.

“Sweetheart, don’t scare me like that. I thought something awful had happened to you,” he said as he walked to the side of the bed and plopped down next to her, leaning up against the pillows behind his back.

“I’m sorry,” she replied, placing a gentle, reassuring hand on his knee. “It’s just that I read something that I found quite upsetting.”

“What is it?”

She handed him the datapad. “Just read this. You know how sometimes people have taken it upon themselves to write stories about our lives?”

Han rolled his eyes. “Not another one. I told you to stop reading those things!”

“I know, I know, but it’s too late now, the damage is done.”

“So what is it this time? I hope it’s another one where we spend the whole trip to Bespin just gettin’ it on for weeks on end.”

She gave a quick backhand against his chest. “No, nerf herder, it is not one of those. This one is about how we got married.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad. Wait, in this one are we forced to consummate the marriage right there at the altar?”

“No! It’s just… well, the whole thing is absurd. You have to just read it and see. Gods, I hope nobody thinks I would actually act that way.”

“What way?”

“Just read it.”

Han sighed and began reading while Leia rested her head on his shoulder. She had no idea how much time had passed when she felt Han stir and heard him grumbling something that ended in, “…load of garbage!”

Lifting her head to look at him, she said, “Did you finish it?”

“Yeah, I finished it,” Han said angrily.

“And?”

He looked down at her with his brow furrowed. “And? And I can’t believe anyone could ever think that we would act like this!”

“I know, right?” Leia replied, relieved to find that Han was equally appalled.

“Leia, please tell me that if for some reason a prince had shown up to marry you before you married me, you wouldn’t have considered it.”

“Oh, gods, no!” she replied without hesitation. “I may have given up a lot for the Rebellion and the New Republic, but there is no way I would ever give up the love of my life,” she said before she wrapped her arms around him.

“Not even for some tall, buff prince with long, blond hair and piercing gray eyes?”

She sat up to look him in the eye, shaking her head. “Never.” She ran her fingers through his slightly messy hair. “I like dark hair, hazel eyes, this nose…” she said before she kissed the tip.

“All right, all right. You made your point. I don’t think I would’ve been able to marry you if you had treated me like this, even if you did pick me in the end.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean it’s like you didn’t even care how I felt in this situation. Like I should just sit back and let you do whatever you had to do and it was almost as though you were yelling at me for loving you.”

“You know I would never do that to you. But what about you?”

“What about me?”

“Well, you weren’t exactly perfect in this crazy thing, either. I mean, would you ever really think you could entice me with a planet or money”

“I figured you knew from the beginning that you weren’t going to be marrying me for my vast wealth.”

“Well, this thing makes it seem like you think I’m incredibly shallow.”

“Yeah? Well, in this thing you are incredibly shallow! You go off and kiss the guy once and suddenly it’s like you forget I even exist and want to tell him you love him?”

“Don’t get mad at me like this is something I actually did to you!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Han said, his voice calming. “It gets me all worked up even just to read about you with some other guy.”

“Well, I wasn’t so thrilled about the idea of you locking me in a storage compartment on the Falcon. Kidnapping?”

“Yeah, who’d think I’d be crazy enough to kidnap you like that? I do want to try and get my hands on that gun of command, though, that sounds fun. I’m surprised that this version of you didn’t let Chewie beat the hell out of me. Seemed like you didn’t care too much about me.”